Monday, June 9, 2008
Extremely Loud--Communication
Foer opens the novel with the image of a teakettle becoming a mouth, which sets the foundation for his exploration into the idea of communication. Consider the many forms of communication—both verbal and non-verbal. Note elements from writing on hands, the typing of a story, an answering machine, two-way radios, letters, a key in an envelope, knocking on doors, broken or unanswered communications, foreign languages, and much, much more. In what ways is Oskar on a quest for communication? What point(s) does Foer make about human interactions?
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I think that when oskars father died he began to isolate himself from real life. He chooses to talk to two people, his mom, and his Grandma. He talks to his grandma in a some what atificial way because it is on a radio and not in real life. In my opinion in order to have a real conversation with someone you need to be able to see them and interact with them. While using the radio he can only talk to her and kind of see her through her apartment window. His mom sort of tries to interact with him but feels that other things are much more important. This is proved when she comes in to his room to see if he's sick and he tries to talk to her but she looks at her watch and tells him what he wants to hear because she thinks it will be faster than actually having a real conversation with him.
I agree with Ashley where she says, "I think that when Oskar’s father died he began to isolate himself from real life." Oskar and his father connected in a way that is impossible for anyone else. They shared secrets that only they could understand and appreciate, or example, when his father and he have those CSI games. They are like investigations that his father makes for Oskar. These games connect them both and I think also helps Oskar on a social level. During these games Oskar is forced to talk to people he normally would not talk to. When his father died, he didn’t talk to as many people until he starts the new investigation with the keys. Another observation when his father died was that a small part of Oskar died as well. Oskar's father was his best friend and when he died Oskar "isolated" himself from his family. He has a hard time talking to his mom about his dad and he does not like to really open up to people. his communication skills cannot be that good, because he hasn't mentioned one very close friend his age. I think his communication skills have underdeveloped since his dad died and they will be hard to developed in the future because he has no male influence in his life
I agree with both Ashley and Demitra that Oskar has isolated himself from the world around him with the exception of a few people. Foer uses a lot of technology for communcation in the novel, but he also uses elements of communication that a person would not normally see as a way to communicate to another person. The key that Oskar finds starts his quest for communication. When he finds the key he has to interact with other people and things he is afraid of. He communicates with people that are outside of his box. However, while he gains more communication with the world outside of his comfort zone, he loses communication with his mother. He lies to her about where he is going and what he is doing.
Foer did open his book with the idea of a talking teakettle. I think he did this because different people have different ways of talking to people. There are certain ways that people feel comfortable to let out there feelings. For example the writing on the hands and the writing of the story, which is what Oskars grandparents used to speak. Oskars grandfather slowly lost the ability to speak. To make up for his loss he used writing on his hands, on paper, writing, but not speaking. This is how he feels comfortable talking to people. How he lets out his feelings, but Oskars grandfather is an extremity. Oskars grandmother I can relate to. She lets things out through writing. In the book she writes "her life story"(119) for Oskars grandfather.
Communication in general is all about feeling comfortable. You have to feel comfortable with the person you are going to speak with in order to actually speak with them. Communtication doesn't always have to be through words or writing either. It can be through simple things like your heart beat, simple sounds can mean so many different things. In the book Oskar thinks up the idea of swallowing microphones(1). But if you look underneath the awkwardness of this idea it talks about how simple sounds can either be soothing/calming, angering, or they can make you happy. This happens in everyday life. When close friends hear a different tone in there other friends voice. Back to the microphones idea, Oskar describes how the heart beats can be used as "sonar" (1), and how the heart beats might even start beating the same as other peoples heart beats. This is a way of communication, but just with an out of the box kind of style.
I agree with ashely l in a way. I think that between Oskar and his family, they have limited to poor communication. I believe that it may be because they are all trying to protect eachother. They want to say the right things and the things that they think will comfort the other person, but that's just a theory.
I also agree with demitra a when she talks about the games that his father and him played. I believe those games helped Oskar in many ways and one of those was communication. His father had him look at newspapers and that is a way of communication. He communticated with Oskar through riddles and clues. This will more then likely continue throughout the whole book.
Mr. Webb, I don't know why but when i post my blog it's showing up as my e-mail address instead of Rachel H W. Can you help me?
I agree with Katelyn H where she says,"People have different ways of talking to people." Oskar's grandfather lost his communication with talking like he lost his voice. Instead he used a notebook to communicate and he had YES and NO tattoos on his hands to talk. In his notebook Oskar's grandma wrote, "Please marry me."(84-85) I feel she wanted to show him that she understood his way of communication and that's why she wrote it in his book instead of just asking him. Also i think he communicated through his sculptures. Everytime grandpa sculpted grandma they became closer and had a deeper connection together.(82-83) They were becoming one. Oskar also mentions having, "Heavy Boots"(86) or giving himself bruises.(69) His "heavy boots" would feel lighter when good things would happen and he would give himself bruises when something would depress him. For example, when Oskar pulled out the old phone with all of the messages on it from his dad before he died(69), he listened to them because he missed his dad and wanted to hear his voice as though he was still there. After he put the phone away, he gave himself a bruise. The bruise is communication because instead of him saying he was upset, he would just hurt himself so people could see his pain because he felt nobody could feel his pain.
I don't believe words are the only way people can communicate, infact i feel like what you are shown is a better understanding of communication then what you are told. When Oskar's dad called and left a message at 8:52am, he said, "Something's happened,I'm OK."(14) Right there he says he is ok, but in reality he isn't. I think in Oskar's mind he is confused because his dad said he was ok and now his dad is dead. As a 9 year old boy, hearing something is the main way of communication especially when it comes from someone you love and trust. He needs explanation to understand what's happened. So i think that having the memories present and him being able to hear his dad and remember things is important because it is communication with himself with memories. He has time to think and reflect on the past by himself.
From the very beginning you get an idea of what Oskar is like. From his description of what the tea-kettle communication I could see that he sees communication in a different way than most people. He thirsts for more creative ways to communicate. When he sets out solve the mystery of the key his first task is going beyond and out oh his box, like Alexandra stated. He has to communicate with all sorts of different people from different areas. People react in different ways. This shows that some people only view communication as something to be used when necessary. But others, including Oskar, use communication as something that brings people together. Even through the simplest of ways.
Rachel, stop by my room any day of the week in the morning and I will help you.
Webb
The communication throughout the book varies greatly. The communication between Oskar’s grandpa and Oskar’s father was one way. Oskar’s Grandfather wrote letters to his son but never sent them. He was talking to his son but his son couldn’t talk back. His son only got one letter, and that was powerful enough to make him search for his father. The communication between them could have been great but it remained just one way.
Some communication is kept secret. The communication Oskar had with strangers, trying to find out about the key, he kept secret from his mother. But his mother really knew where he was going and she communicated with the same people but kept it secret from Oskar.
There is also communication that isn't talking or writing at all. The communication with pictures. The meaning of the pictures could be taken different way’s, but it’s still a way of expressing one’s self.
Oskar’s Grandmother can see what his Grandfather is feeling by facial expressions or his eye’s (309). She understands him even before he writes something down.
Like katelyn h f said Oskar seeks ways to find out what people are feeling so he knows what to do to make them happy “ this is a way of communication, but just with an out of the box kind of style.”
I completely agree with Rachel and Katelyn when they say that there are many different ways. I also think that this book deos a great job at exploring several different ways.
To begin, we have the way Oskar communicates. He is upfront about absolutely everything and has no filter bewteen his mind and his mouth. He communicates much like any child his age would but at the same time he knows so much that he also communicates in a much more mature way. Oskar seems to combine two different was of communicating because of all the new things he is learning about communicating and life itself. Oskar's mom seems to let communication bewteen her and her son deminish. She acts like other things are more important, so Oskar resorts to isolting himself. This may just be her way of mourning her husband's death and trying to move on. There is also the silent communication that goes on. Freddie's grandfather "loses" his words and has to write down his thoughts and eventually tattoos YES and NO on his hands in order to talk to people.
All the different communication styles in Oskar's family may be a result of all the tragedy that the family has endured(The Dresdan bombing and the then 9/11). Thiss has forced his family members to deal with it in certain ways. Some of them, like Oskar's mother. push people away. Some, like Oskar, embrace all people, even strangers. Communication may change based on events that happen over a person's life. It may be just another way that grieving people deal with the trauma.
Katelyn H said, "they have limited to poor communication" which I completely agree with. I think it is because Oskar is not as close with his mom or grandma as he was to his father. There is not any trust between them. If Oskar asked his mom about the key he found he would probably get his answer but he chooses to not communicate to her about it and hide it. Oskar and his dad had so many great conversations and when he trys to tell his mom she is beautiful, he thinks, "I kept trying to figure out a way to tell her that, but all of the ways i thought of were weird and wrong"(7). In order for communication to be successful it takes two people. Each person has to figure out what the other is saying and reply back accordingly. I think Foer represents communication kind of like a game. This is showed in the letter when his dad is talking to his future wife and she asks, " 'Please marry me.' I flipped back and pointed at, 'I'm not sure, but it's late.' "(33). The women understood that he was just trying to say he was not sure and ignored the late part. Also, the hands with the words on it and the clues are other ways the dad communicates. This shows that not only words can communicate. Foer understands that communication is key, especially after a tragedy and Oskar and his mom cannot heal unless they start to trust each other and communicate better.
Communication is a challenge throughout the novel. Oskar and his mother lost almost all communication after his father’s death. Oskar, “Never used to lie to her before everything happened” (6). Like Ashley L said, “ He began to isolate himself from real life”. While his communication with his mother was lost, he gained it with others.
The key that he found in his father’s room has lead him to meet a lot of new people, and make some new friends. He was open and willing enough to get on a roller coaster with Abe Black (147). He also spent a lot of time with the Black that lived right above him, Oskar even asked him to help him on his quest (164). Although his father is dead he is still helping Oskar with communication. What 9-year-old boy would be brave enough to walk up to strangers’ doors and talk to them?
Oskar’s grandparents also had a different way of communicating. Oskar’s grandfather lost his ability to speak, so he wrote in books. Just because he lost his words he did not loose all communication. Oskar’s grandmother saw this. She still interacted with him, in his way. She asked him to marry her in writing (32). Like Rachel H said, “I feel she wanted to show him that she understood his way of communication and that's why she wrote it in his book instead of just asking him.”
Megan B also makes an interesting point when she talks about how tragic events cause the different ways of communication. Everyone deals with a tragedy in different ways, and the different ways of communication throughout the book shows this, and it make the characters more real.
rsmitI think that throughout the novel there are several different types of communication. For starters Oskar and his Grandmother, they often communicate through walkie-talkie (69-73) I think because of the way Oskar lost his Father, he is afraid to communicate with other people besides family. I also think that Oskar is afraid to let his feelings out. For example when him and his Grandmother have their walkie-talkie conversations he says "I miss Dad"(71) and his Grandmother replies "I miss him,too."(71) Thoses two quotes I think say a lot, it shows that Oskar feels comfortable telling his Grandmother his feelings. I think that maybe Oskar was waiting for someone to ask him what was wrong, so he would not have to bring up the fact that he was feeling overwhelmed.
I think Oskar finds comfort in talking to his Grandmother because she understands what Oskar is feeling with the loss of a Father – Son. I think Foer uses the conversation between Oskar and his Grandmother as kind of a ground breaking conversation. I think after that conversation Oskar feels extremely comfortable telling his feelings to his Grandmother. I think this starts his quest for communication.
I think that Oskar’s quest for communication is really a quest to reconnect with his dad and feel close to him again. He has dedicated all of his time trying to solve his dad’s mystery and figure out what the key means. Every character has trouble communicating after the death of the dad. I feel that he was the connection to all of them because he has relationships with everyone else. Now that he is gone, Oskar and his mom barely communicate at all and Oskar and his grandma speak over walkie talkies. Also, the death brings Grandpa back, and Grandpa hasn’t communicated with anyone else since leaving before the birth of Oskar’s dad.
I agree with Katelyn that communication isn’t always made through writing or speaking, but also through sounds. When Oskar feels uncomfortable, he shakes his tambourine. The sound of the tambourine calms him when he feels uncomfortable because it “plays a good beat” when he gets heavy boots. I also agree with Rachel about the way that the bruises’ Oskar gives himself is his way of saying I’m upset. He does not know how else to let his sadness out and tell people what is on his mind.
When the Grandpa loses his will to speak, he learns how to communicate through body gestures, along with writing and his tattoos. Grandma recognizes the gestures and movements of his face so he doesn’t have to write it out all of the time. This shows that communication becomes easier the closer you get to a person. Oskar and his mom grow farther and farther apart, therefore their communication gets worse, but Oskar’s communication with the rest of the world grows during his quest to reconnect with his dad.
I agree with Brenna M.E. P when she says that Oskar has more creative ways of communicating. In the beginning of the book, he speaks using some french words. For example, on page two he exclaims, "Excusez moi?" Also, on page three Oskar says, "Yo-yo moi!" So he has his ways of speaking more creatively.
He also finds ways around rules so that he can curse. He knows words that sound like actual curse words, and puts them all together. "Succotash my Balzac, dipshiitake." (5) Obviously, we know what he is trying to say. But he did do it quite creatively for a nine year old.
I also agree with Alexandra M W when she says that finding the key kind of forces him to talk and interact with people/things he would ordinarily be afraid of. I think maybe the key and the quest he is on may help him as he is developing more people skills. As he continues his journey, he is growing and learning more ways to communicate with people.
I agree with Kelsey B. when she states “communication is a challenge throughout the novel,” but it seems to be much more than simply a challenge to the people who endure it everyday. Communication becomes a lifestyle. For example, the grandmother spends hours and hours writing letters to her son and future grandson. The son dies before ever reading her letters, but does that mean the stories are lost? The grandmother’s life is one of loneliness and solitude; with no one to read her stories, how could she suppress all of the grief she faced while still a child? The letters she wrote to Oscar are the only letters that are supposed to be read. The letters to the father are put in the book so the reader can understand parts of the novel not explained by the other letters. Since Oscar sees the world in such an unusual way, I wonder if the reader really understands what the grandmother wants to communicate. The struggle between what words can say and what they cannot is a challenge for any writer. The grandmother struggles with what to say just like any writer of the time. This is shown when she says “I want to begin at the beginning, because that is what you deserve. I want to tell you everything, without leaving out a single detail. But where is the beginning? And what is everything?” (75).
Communication is a constant struggle for everyone in the novel, not just a challenge that comes around once in a while. This novel is based around communication and the specialized ways people can communicate. The mouth becomes an insignificant way of communication; unlike the world today. Hands, paper, answering machines, radios, and pictures are some of the other ways communication is portrayed through the novel. With all of these unordinary ways of saying what is needed to be said, life becomes much harder for the people trying to use these forms of communication. Communication is a constant struggle that molds the individuals in the novel into different and more complex people; therefore making communication a necessary part of living and learning through life.
I think that when Ashley L W says, "I think that when Oskar's father dies he began to isolate himself from real life," is a big theory of the book. Oskar starts communicating to his family in different forms. He would talk to his grandmother through a two way radio. What is so wrong with really talking to her in person? He barely ever says a thing to his mother. Before Oskar's father died his father left messages. Oskar never told his mother about the messages so now he is telling her through beads of a bracelet. Without really talking Oskar finds a way to tell his mother what his father said on his very last day. Then back to his grandmother, Oskar asks her to write "her life story" in a letter (119). Why a letter? Why not in person? In person you can see the persons' emotions and how they emphasize things. Maybe for Oskar, reading ones' life story through a letter shows him something else.
Throughout "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close," Jonathan Safran Foer sets characters apart by their ways of communication, yet connects them through their desire to communicate. Although Oskar’s grandfather communicates through writing in his notebooks and Oskar communicates by making jokes, to both, communication is more than talking about the weather; communication is the expression of their feelings.
Emily M has posed the question, why does Oskar not want to communicate in person where “[he] can see the persons’ emotions?” My simple answer to this is because he is confused by emotion. For those who read "The Curious Incident in the Dog in the Night-time" last summer, there are obvious similarities between Oskar Schell and Christopher Boone, the autistic problem-solver and main character of the novel. Although I am not entirely sure whether Oskar is autistic or simply a nine-year old boy with a complicated lifestyle, like Christopher, Oskar is constantly searching for a way to express his emotions. Instead of using words, he shows his sadness or anger through giving himself bruises (69), and love through making jewelry, such as the bracelet his mom wore to the funeral (7). In some cases, such as when Oskar gave the mailman a key and he did not know why his mom was angry, Oskar is able to sense a person’s emotions but can be unsure or confused by why a person has a certain emotion (6). Because he is unable to find the words to express his own feelings and cannot fathom the reasoning of other people’s emotions, Oskar uses physical means to show his feelings, whether through bruises or inventions, and searches for ways to be told directly what a person is feeling and why, giving reason to his grandma’s letter.
Thus far, there are 31 paragraphs in the various posts on this topic. Fifteen of those begin with either "I agree" or "I disagree" or "I think."
Avoid repetitive or predictable phrasing, especially if those phrases are essentially empty. Craft language that reflects your actual meaning rather than forcing your ideas into prepackaged phrases.
In the beginning, he starts out saying that people's heartbeats match up and could be used like sonar (1). I like this idea because it shows that communication could be as simple as a single beat. I believe that Oskar is tentative when talking to others which is why is father would make a game so that Oskar would become more comfortable talking with others. He likes the idea of using a walkie-talkie because then he does not have to be incredibly close to someone where they can see all of him. I think part of Oskar’s journey is going to be finding other ways to “match up” with others because "the mouth can be an insignificant way of communicating"; he mouth can be useless because words that come out are sometimes lies (Gina H). In the end, I believe that Oskar’s social skills will have grown and he won’t have to communicate with childish toys and lies. He will find a more honest and true way of communicating with his friends and family.
Oskar is also learning that other ways of communicating are more honest. Like the fact that a heart beat can’t lie. When Oskar has conversations with his mom, he senses that she is lying about Tom just being a friend. Even Abey Black is thought to be lying about the envelope. In Oskar’s world, he would rather have heartbeats be the only way of communicating. His journey is finding an honest way of communicating with one another where he will know that others are thinking of him when an ambulance goes by wondering if that’s him in the back or if his dad is thinking of him even now.
As i have read further into the book i have noticed more about the communication that Oskar has between people and himself. Haley s w stated that "The heart beat can't lie" and therefore is more of an honest way of communication. Oskar says,"I also designed a set of wedding rings, where each one takes the pulse of the person wearing it and sends a signal to the other ring to flash red with each heartbeat."(106) This is signifying that the two people wearing the rings are one. It is a silent way of communicating the feelings and unity of those two people. It is also an honest way of communicating because the feelings are shown to be true when the other ring flashes red with each heartbeat.
I have also noticed that touching and movement is a big way to communicate to one another."(I flapped her hands like wings.)That would be nice. Maybe something with art in it? (I took her hand, like a brush, and painted an immaginary painting in front of us.) Sure."(133) Because Anna is blind, this is how she understood people by having them touch her and make movements with her hands. This could be false communication because she could interpret the touch or motion as something good when it is really something bad. This is something that Oskar doesn't want because it is a lie. So the idea is to have more of an honest way of communicating and with natural things like a heart beat, they can't be miss interpretated.
Everyone in Oskar’s family has a hard time communicating, and they all have different ways of communicating their grief to others. Oskar deals with his grief by his search for the lock. To him, finding the lock will prove that he loves and misses his dad. Whether or not that is right, it helps Oskar to get through his death. Oskar’s mom communicates her grief by going to a support group and meeting Ron. Having this companionship is helping her through the loss of her husband. Oskar doesn’t like this because he feels that by her having fun and laughing she is not mourning his dad. His mom is grieving but having someone else that knows her situation really helps her. Oskar’s grandma communicates her grief by reconnecting with grandpa when he decides to come back, which is also his way of communicating his grief. The whole family does not have good communication skills, but they all have their own ways of showing how they are feeling.
The family also doesn’t have very good ways of showing their love for each other, but they have things they do, that when looked at, we see that it shows they care. For instance, Grandma shows Oskar that she cares and is worried about him by saying his name and having him answer, “I’m ok.” Oskar’s mother will check in with Oskar every night and ask him if he wants to talk or read a book. She may not talk to him a lot, but this is the chance she gives Oskar to talk to her with undivided attention. Oskar’s way of communicating his grief is the same way he communicates his love. As I mentioned above, by finding the lock he feels that he is showing he misses his dad and that he loves him.
Foer shows in his novel that there are many different ways to communicate to people, and the trick to understanding them is to listen and to realize why they are doing what they’re doing. It is a very hard thing to do, especially with people like Oskar who think differently, but Foer shows if we look deep enough people always have a reason.
Going off of what kate m f said, Foer shows in his novel that there are many different ways to communicate to people, and the trick to understanding them is to listen and to realize why they are doing what they’re doing." That is exactly what Oskar's grandfather is doing when he is one the phone with Oskar's grandmother and the only way he can talk over the phone is if he punches the numbers. I have tried to decode the numbers, starting on page 269-271. Once you get the hang of it it is very easy to figure out what he is saying. Oskar's grandfather pushes, "4,7,4,8,7,3,2,5,5,9,9,6,8?" (269). I have figured out that he is trying to say "is it really you?" So Kate was right oin the money about the trick to understanding Foers use of language is to just listen to it.
Through his search for the key, Oskar is able to move outside his daily routine and learn from the challenges he faces. From the beginning, it is obvious that Oskar is not the typical elementary school student and has a much higher understanding of the scientific aspects of the world. Yet even though he is constantly stretching his intellect and obtaining new facts, he is still confused by people around him and ways they chose to act.
To Oskar, the truth is a simple concept. He knows when he is telling a person the truth and why it is important for him to do so. But what he does not understand is why people lie, specifically by denying their feelings. As Haley S has brought up, Oskar is searching for “other ways of communicating [that] are more honest.” Because he knows that he and many other people are not effectively communicating their feelings, Oskar invents different ways for people to show their feelings, such as a “chemical that [would respond] to a combination of things . . . [so] everyone could know what everyone else felt” (163) and the Reservoir of Tears where tears can be measured to know if “New York is in heavy boots” (38). Oskar is desperate to find a way for people to communicate their emotions, possibly so he can express his freely and not worry about the responses he might receive. He is desperate to live in a world where everyone, including himself, can mourn or celebrate freely.
As previously stated my Ashley, Demitra, and Allie, Oskar isolates himself from the real world. This reminds me of Christopher, because neither of them feels comfortable talking to strangers, but they do anyways to further their investgations. They alsoo never seem to travel far from outside of their "box", thus restricting them from meeting anyone new. Communication between Oskar and his mother seems extremely limited, which leads Oskar to believe that she's not apathetic. There is minimal dialogue that occurs between Oskar and his mother, and he soesn't believe she cares for him since she is always with her "friend," Ron. Kate makes a very good point when she says, "everyone in Oskar's family has a hard time communicating." There is no communication within his family. Oskar says, "It wasn't fair to dad, and it wasn't fair to me. But I buried it all inside me" (35). They way I see it is that Oskar doen't really know who to turn to for emotional support. Being able to communicate emotions through words should be easy with the people in your family shouldn't it? Well that doesn't seem to be the case for Oskar.
Lydia B had a very interesting point. She said that Oskar seems to have trouble communicating with the people in his family, the ones it should be the easiest with. To me, this seems like a side effect of losing his father at such an early and impressionable age. Perhaps he feels like communicating with the people he loves will bring them that much closer, and then they may also "leave" all of a sudden like his father. I think that Oskar feels like isolating and distanceing himself from those that he loves will make it easier on him if something were ever to happen to them. Oskar had such a good relationship with his dad but it was gone in a matter fo minutes and I think that the possibility of it happening again scares Oskar.
I also think that it is extremely important to remember that Oskar is just a a child. Communicating is often difficult for children who have not yet learned how to communicate properly. It is probably even more difficult after suffereing such a traumatic event. Because he is so advanced in other areas of his life, we are automatically drawn to see him as a much older person. It becomes very easy to forget that he is only just a child and that his communication problems may just be because of that.
When Megan B says that the reader often forgets that he is a child I agree with her completely. Alot of the posts I have read so far are people saying that Oskar doesn't know how to communicate. I think that communication is a skill that is learned through the elders arounf you when you're a child; it makes since that Oskar doesn't understand how to communicate without hurting someones feelings or coming off harsh, I believe the reason for this is that Oskar has isolated himself from everyone since his fathers death, so no one has been able to communicate with him. His Grandma communicates with him but she communicates with him is his childish sort of language not as an adult. This pattern in Oskars life has made him awkward in real world situations like when he meets Abby Black for the first time and asks her if he can kiss her. It is easy to feel bad for Oskar because he is trapped in his own little world because of his communication problem.
It seems to me that everyone either thinks that Oskar is a good communicator or he isn't. In my opinion Oskar is a great communicator although he is only nine years old. I do agree with both Megan and Lydia that Oskar has trouble communicating with his own family. It seems so easy for him to walk around New York and visit everyone with the last name Black without having any problems. But his communication with his family is what lacks the most. I do find it really odd that he is able to talk to strangers easier then his own family. Children his age are usually afraid to just go up to anyone and start a conversation with them. But as Ashley W said communication skills come with being around elders and I agree completely. Being able to communicate with someone your own age is different than communicating with someone more then triple your age. The more you talk to people older then you the more maturer I think you become.
I agree with Krystle W. that it is odd that Oskar communicates with strangers more than he does with his family. I think this is because he doesn't have a strong enough connection with them to really communicate with them at all. He lies to his mother about going out all the time, just so he can go to see people with the last name Black, and he talks to his Grandma over a two-way radio, which isn't very sufficient. In this way I also think he lost the connection with his family when his father died. He had a very strong connection with him, and was able to speak to him very clearly and in a very mature manner. He could ask his dad questions, and he always gave Oskar scavenger hunts. When his dad died, and after his mom started seeing her new boyfriend, he lost all verbal communications with her, which he makes up by talking to the strangers he encounters throughout the book.
I completely agree with Ashley L when she said that Oskar is stuck in his little world because of his communication problem. Up until now, I have thought Oskar was off in his own little world and had a communication problem. But her idea makes sense, and it isn't his fault. It was previously mentioned that Oskar's grandmother doesn't have mature conversations with him. She babies him and talks down to him. Yes, he is only a child but the way he engages with people doesn't make it believable that he is so young. Throughout the book, I have found myself forgetting that he is nine. I feel like I could sit down and have a genuine conversation with him. Krystle W also makes a good point, as Nicolas B mentions, when she says that Oskar communicates better with strangers than people that are close to him. The walkie-talkie conversations he and his grandmother engage in seem so restricted and completely unemotional. They make random statements and talk about meaningless things. "'Grandma? Over.' 'Yes? Over.' 'Why are matches so short? Over.'" [p. 70] I think that when people like them talk so frequently about their lives, (that aren't very eventful) they run out of things to discuss, and they end up babbling. However, when he meets Abby Black, he asks her why she is sad and seems interested in her, wanting to know more.
I think that Oskar can be a good communicator because he knows so much. He uses sophisticated words in his sentences and makes references. But because he is so young, he still has many flaws. One example is when he first meets Abby Black, he says, "'Actually, I'm diabetic and I need sugar asap" Lie #35. "Do you mean A.S.A.P?'" (91). He can think on his feet and tell a lie very convincingly, but he still doesn't understand the English language entirely because he doesn't understand the abbreviations and he does that again later in his conversation. In that sense Oskar reminds me of his grandma because she wanted to know all of the sayings and things that Americans said. Always wanting to know more information. Oskar uses language to get smarter and gather information. Whenever someone says something that he doesn't know he tells himself to remember it to look it up later and his worldly knowledge grows stronger.
For a nine year old, Oskar is highly sophisticated—more so than many high school students. His inventions and ideas for inventions are clever and personal and they give the reader a lot of insight into the way in which Oskar communicates as well as how he feels about communication. Through the analysis of his inventions and ideas for inventions, it is clear that Oskar is troubled by his own problems with communication problems and those of the people around him.
Before his father’s funeral, Oskar gives his mother a home-made bracelet with his “Dad’s last voice message [converted] into Morse code,” with different color beads representing different sounds and silences. This struck me as little more than clever until it became clear that his mother had no knowledge of the messages. He indirectly communicated his father’s last words to his mother (wearing the bracelet) and the people around them (those who look at the bracelet. Since Oskar and his father are the only ones who could have possibly decoded the bracelet, the communication is ineffective. The bracelet shows that Oskar is attempting to eliminate his own communication barriers with his mother and with the world.
Oskar considers what life would be like if everyone swallowed little microphones that would amplify the sound of their hearts beating (1). This idea is interesting considering he struggles with anxiety. If “you could hear everyone’s heartbeat and they could hear yours” (1), think of how much more unified everyone would be. We could hear people’s distress, pleasure, fear, and anxiety, eliminating a vast communication barrier in mankind as a whole. This could also be considered a cry for attention. He wants others to know when he is anxious.
The night following his father’s funeral, Oskar invents a special drain that goes underneath every New Yorker’s pillow, connecting to a reservoir, “so that when they cry themselves to sleep, all of the tears go to the same place”(38). When the weatherman reports whether the water level has dropped or risen, he gives the people watching a sense of everyone in New York and whether the people are happier or sadder than the night previous. Once again, this would eliminate another communication barrier. Also, Oskar wants to know whether or not people give his fathers death the loathing he feels it deserves. The reservoir eliminates communication that he feels is necessary while unifying the people. He wants the people of New York to be more unified and more there for eachother.
Oskar’s inventions express a clear desire for less frustration in communicating, for both him and others. He wants people to be more emotionally aware of each other and he wants others to be more aware of him. Something interesting that I realized is Oskar does not want to invent. He only feels the need to invent when there is an emotional void in his life. Every one of his inventions either has something to do with his father, emotional communication problems, or getting some one new to like him. Oskar claims that being with his dad “made [his] brain quieter” (12) and made him feel that he “didn’t have to invent a thing” (12).
So far, the majority of posts I have read deal with communication merely within the realm of Oskar Schell. However, the book also deals with numerous other forms and examples of communication. For instance, Oskar’s grandfather has lost his ability to speak, and yet still manages to communicate with other people. The question is how much is lost when one cannot use his voice and must use words in a less personal way. When yes and no are broken down into just themselves, do they mean less? Yes they do. Oskar’s grandfather continually answers questions in non-descriptive one-word answers. When explaining to Thomas Sr. how his son had inevitably turned into his father, Oskar’s grandmother says, “Everything was yes and no” (Foer 277). In an earlier post, it was mentioned how simple sounds can extract a vast range of emotion in every individual. The writer of the post says, “This happens in everyday life. When close friends hear a different tone in there other friends voice” (Katelyn H F). When the physical elements of communication, such as facial gestures and tone of voice, are lost, the speaker, or in the case of Oskar’s grandfather, the writer, loses an important part of communication. One of the main reasons that Oskar’s grandmother and grandfather end up with the broken relationship they do is because of their lack of communication and moreover their lack of the personality and meaning in the conversation. It is not until his return that they finally realize that and start to really listen to each other
Also, a number of people have mentioned that Oskar doesn’t like to communicate with his grandmother in person. This, in my opinion, is completely false. His use of the two-way radio is merely to feel that constant at-your-service connection with his grandmother. As much as his mother tries she cannot give that attention to him. The two simply do not connect and both are too self-conscious about how to talk to one another. Oskar mentions not knowing how to tell his mom she looks beautiful (Foer 7). Because his grandmother is aware of how to talk to him, she and Oskar have a much deeper connection. He merely wants to know that she’s always there fore him and that she’s ok. Having lost someone he truly loved, his deepest fear is losing another. The day he comes to his grandmother’s apartment and cannot find her, he is terrified and begins to invent ways she could have been hurt (Foer 235). He mentions that “What [he] needed to hear was ‘I’m OK,’”(Foer 235). Oskar doesn’t dislike in-person conversation, his two-way radio’s are just an additional means of communication.
I love the way communication is exploited throughout this book. Thinking about it, there are so many ways that communication and it's issues are used in the novel. This book is centered on Oskar's quest for communication with his deceased father. This takes place when he finds the mysterious key in his fathers closet labeled: "Black". I think the whole reason Oskar is so keen on finding the lock for the key is because deep down he wants to communicate with his father again. This want is pretty much what drives the whole novel.
Something else that i thought was interesting, was the way the Oskar communicates how he feels while narrating the book by talking about his "boots". He lets everyone know how he is feeling when he says he has "Heavy boots"(86) or saying that his boots feel lighter than before. I find it ironic that Foer would have Oskar use these metaphors as a way of communicating his feeling throughout the book. It is a good way for the reader to keep up on Oskar's "status".
I like what Erica M P had to say about how the paper with "Black" written on it was like a way of still being able to communicate with his father, even after he's gone. The envelope is kinda like Oskar's dad sending him on another scavenger hunt. The envelope can't tell if he's on the right track and that's exactly what Oskar's dad did, he never said yes or no. "He shrugged his shoulders, which meant it was a major clue" (8). The envelope can also be Oskar's dad in one sense. In a way, the envelope is the continuation of the scavenger hunt that Oskar's dad sent him on before he died but never got a chance to finish it so from beyond the grave his dad helps him finish the last thing he and his dad had together.
I agree with Kevin h w when he says that the envelope with the name Black is a clue to his last scavenger hunt. Another thing I noticed about communication in this book is that unlike most people Oskar just comes right out and says what he means. He doesn't sugar-coat everything and make it sound nice, he just gets right down to the point.
This is shown on page (197) when Oskar asks Alice Black "Your extremely beautiful. Can we kiss?" also on page (190) after Jimmy asks who Oskar's Buckminster was and he says, "Buckminster is my pussy". Instead he could have said he is his cat, or best friend, or an adorable little kitten but he just came right out and said what it was.
I also agree with Kevin H W that the envelope is a clue to the last thing Oskar and his dad ever did together. I think that it was a way to communicate with Oskar from beyond the grave as Kevin W H pointed out but I also think that the dad communicates with Oskar in a few ways from beyond the grave. One was the envelope. He also communicates through the answering machine, Oskars own memories, and Oskars feelings. In a way I feel that Oskar's dad is trying to tell him to move on and try to be happy again. This is because the machine makes Oskar happy and so does the quest to find what the key opens. This is shown on page (193) when Oskar says "I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep, because I was so excited that the next day I'd be able to search for the lock".
I agree with Meagan B when she says, "Communicating is often difficult for children who have not yet learned how to communicate properly." Communicating something one has to learn through observing others, and once his dad died he stopped associating himself with others. It is hard for him to learn how to communicate properly. For example he doesn't understand that he cannot say everything he thinks like when he and his mother are arguing he says, "If I could have chosen, I would have chosen you!" (171). Even though after he said that felt sorry, he still said it and hurt his mother very badly. He doesn't realize that not everyone is like him and can understand his personality. He has to learn how to associate himself with others in a way that is not hurtful.
The envelope is a symbol of his father. It represents that Oscar does not want to let go. He keeps this scavenger hunt going in order to keep his father in mind n in heart. The only thing connecting him to his father is the key and Black, and he does not want to let that go any time soon, like he says, "it might even take the full one and a half years" (164). Oscar is planning on doing this search as long as possible, to keep his father’s memory fresh for as long as possible. I believe he feels that if he stops this search, than he stops loving his father.
A unique way that we see communication in this novel is through pictures and letters.The one way I found that was truly amazing was through pictures. The way we see what Oskar is really seeing is when he was in the art supply store with those pads with the writing on it (45-49). Then we see that Oskar's father was there because of his name was there in red pen on the peice of paper (49). It is very intresting that Foer wanted to use pictures in his book.
By using pictures we as a reader get a better sense of what Oskar was feelings when he would be looking or doing something. Oskar says, "Abe lifted his hands in the air on the downhill parts. I kept wondering if what I was feeling was at all like falling" when he was on the Cyclone (147). Then on the next page we have a picture of people on a rollercoaster (148). We see the picture and we remember maybe a time we were on one and also remember how we felt like if we were going to fall and the excitement.
Throughout this novel there are different ways that you can communicate with someone. Pictures, letters, and a father and son's game of csi.
It seems to me that a ton of people assume that Oskar is isolating himself from the world and then they have connected him to the wonderful character Christopher. However, Oskar clearly travels far away from his "box", as Lydia B puts it, and even farther than Christopher ever goes. Oskar leaves his house, his mother and grandmother, evey weekend to go out and fnd out the key. He has to talk, communicate, with al the Blacks he meets to discover if they know anything about the mysterious key. He couldn't have found anything if he never went out and talked to those people. He never isolates himself from the world. Just from his family, which in my opinion is worse. Oskar tells us about the games his father palyed with him, and how somethimes his father made it so that Oskar had to go talk to someone. When his father died, Oskar didn't lwave behind the world, there was just no reason to gout and talk to anyone. I think that is perfectly fine. He didn't have a need to go out and meet new people so he shouldn't hve had to. But then he breaks the vase and discovers the key, he gains a reason to go out, a need to go meet the Blacks. He hadto talk to them, he had something to peice together and he couldn't have done it without communication.
I like what Brooke L said, "Oskar is desprate to find a way for people to communicate their emtotions." Throughout Foers novel it is not just Oskar who is desperate, his mother tries so hard to help him. She wants him to feel better, but she has no way of doing it right. She wants to help, but the way to do tht is to be honest because Oskar is that kind of person. He needs honesty. She doesn't lie but she also is not one hundred percent truthful. The reader knows there is more tho Ron that she lets on, and Oskar knows this too, but she will not just tell her son everything so he feels like she shouldn't have to tell her anything either. They are both scared of hurting one another. Ms. Schell is scared that her relationship with Ron will really upset Oskar and Oskar is terrified that the relationship with Ron will make both his mother and him forget his father. And the two of them are terrified if they explain their feelings they will hurt eachother even more.
Yet, the key, it helps Oskar through the barrier of fear and it teaches him how easy it is to talk, to let others around him know what he is thinking and feeling. He meets with the Blacks and with each visit he gets better and better at talking. Soon he is past the fear of the world and of emotions and knows he can talk to his mother. Foer shows the reader that communication is hard after a loved one dies but that it will just take some time to get back to normal. When Osakr breaks through his barrierthe reader knows he will lead his mother through too. He learns how to talk and express his feelings and so it becomes easy for him to show his mother that she can do it too.
I've noticed in this novel that there is as much non-verbal communication as there is verbal communication. Some examples of this are Oskar's grandfather and Oskar's dad.
In this book obviously Oskar's grandfather communicates completely non-verbal but still gets his message accross. He doesn't actually say anything at all, but Oskar's grandfather didn't have to say anything. He got what he wanted without having to say a word. For example on page (19) he writes "I want two rolls". He gets two rolls without saying anything. Also he never has to say a word to talk to his own wife. This is shown on page (135) when it says "I tuoched her chest, then pointed her hand out toward the world, then pointed her hand back at her chest." "I know," she said." This shows that even though he didn't say anything she could still understand him.
With Oskar's dad there is a lot of non-verbal communication as well. One example is the key. I think this is his way of making Oskar communicate with people and develop social skills. Also I think it's his way of sending Oskar on one more scavenger hunt before he dies. Also on page (9) when Oskar has found the items buried in the park and brings them to his dad to get a hint the book says, "Dad looked at it and nodded. I asked ,"So?" He shrugged his shoulders like he had no idea what I was talking about, and went back to his paper." This shows that Oskar is going to have to look elsewhere for the clue besides his father without actually comming out and telling him that.
The grandfather and the grandmother are an interesting pair that demonstrate how communication has failed. For one, their rules are not effective because she gets pregnant because "[she] made it happen", but they had made a rule that they would not have any kids (177). Communication should have no rules because she should have been able to tell him what she was feeling. Katelyn h f previously stated that "you have to feel comfortable with the person you are going to speak with in order to actually speak with them." I think the grandparents are an example of how this is true because he does not talk anymore because of Anna and every time he is with the grandmother he is thinking of Anna. For example, she would pose for him, but it turned out he wasn't sculpting her because "after only a few sessions it became clear that he was sculpting Anna" (83). This shows that Grandfather cannot communicate comfortably with his wife. In addition, they have a lot of rules that it does not seem that they can be comfortable at all because they are worried about breaking one rule and then forgetting another one. The grandmother always says that "[her} eyes are crummy" (119). This statement is a lie because she says all she does is hit the spacebar. The grandfather does not know this because he becomes emotional when she makes out a blank dedication. This is what she wants from him; she wants an emotional response instead of a written statement in just plain black and white.
Foer includes the grandparents to show that communication is not always honest and that rules should not exist when you have to hide what you are feeling. They will show to Oskar that feelings should be communicated to one another instead of hidden in writings.
Amanda R. points out that Oskar “clearly travels away from his ‘box’” as evidence to why he does not isolate himself. He does not always isolate himself; however, it would seem that he works towards the ability to do so comfortably. Isolation may even be his ultimate goal. Oskar establishes that his point in searching for the key’s lock is “to stop missing [his father]” (255). If he didn’t miss his father, he would have never spoken to any of the Blacks. His ultimate goal is clearly not to expand his horizons or meet people. He wants to overcome his sorrow and feel that he has mourned his father’s death sufficiently. While Oskar is able to work up courage in order to speak to people in order to learn more about his father, he mentions to Dr. Fein that he “[gets] panicky about being away from his mom” (201), because he is “not very good with people” (201). His cat, Buckminister, comes before all of his friends on the list in which he ranks the top 10 people or animals he cares about most (73). At school, Oskar and his best friends, the Minch and Toothpaste, are picked on and called freak. He is clearly most comfortable with his family, who are ranked above Buckminister. Many have seen the fact that he shares more information about his father with strangers than with his family as if he can communicate better with strangers, but really, he sees it as necessary to finding his father. Ultimately, Oskar wants to feel that he has sufficiently loathed his father’s death, he wants to know how he died, and he wants to know that he is dead. Oskar wants to be able to quit inventing his father’s death and inventing ways to save him. He always has to invent, even though he doesn’t want to (234). Oskar keeps himself from isolation and communicates with people outside of his “box” only to learn about his father.
If Oskar’s father had not died, would Oskar still feel the need to invent? With the exception of scavenger hunts, would Oskar ever desire to leave his comfort zone? Would Oskar still have gone out on his journey to find out what his father’s key went to if a body and a cause of death had been produced?
Oskar's communication abilities are ultimately determinded based upon who he is talking to. Oskar appears to have no problem at all talking to random strangers or people he happens to encounter through out his day. On the way to the cemetary, Oskar is calmly able to carry a conversation with Gerald Thompson, the limousine driver, about vulgar words and limousines (5). Usually in a situation such as driving to a cemetary, people generally are not willing to make small talk. However, Oskar comfortably asks questions and makes comments just as if it were an everyday occurance for him. Even though Oskar is able to talk to strangers as easily as he can breathe, when he is faced with communicating with his family, he falls silent. Oskar's communication with his grandmother is very limited to only a few words, "'Oskar.' 'I'm OK.'" (104). Oskar tends to question his loved ones, and then not respond, "'Dad?' 'Yeah, buddy?' 'Nothing.'" (14). This is repeated with his grandmother, mother, and father through out the book. Perhaps he does this to provide himself with comfort that they are still there and are willing to listen to him. Oskar seems to struggle to communicate with his family because of his feelings and attachments to them, whereas he can strike up an engaging conversation with any given stranger.
I must also completely disagree that Oskar’s dad is communicating with him from beyond the grave. I believe that all the examples Michael C P used, such as the answering machine and the envelope with Black written on it were merely things Oskar uses to hold on desperately to communication with his father. His father was not like his mother in the fact that he and Oskar could communicate with each other. Sarah F P mentioned that Oskar “seems to struggle to communicate with his family because of his feelings and attachments to them, whereas he can strike up an engaging conversation with any given stranger.” I believe this to be true in both aspects. Oskar obviously has trouble communicating normally with his family, but it is because anything he says to them can be easily brought up later on. On the flip side, he can easily talk to strangers because he never has to see them again. To fess up to them is to let go of his words with virtually no ramifications.
Krystle N W posed the question as to whether Oskar is a good or bad communicator. I think this is a question with a million answers. While he has trouble communicating with his family, he also can carry on a fairly sophisticated and intelligent conversation with most strangers. To say Oskar is a poor communicator would bypass the fact that he manages to make a lasting impression on most strangers he meets. This impression comes from the odd but fascinating conversations he has with all of them. However to say that he is a good communicator also skims over some very obvious problems.
Going off of what Erica M P said about how Oskar communicates his feelings to others, I think it's very interesting how he always wants to find a shortcut to seeing how people feel. Foer writes, "What if the water that came out of the shower was treated with a chemical that responded to a combination of things, like your heartbeat, and your body temperature, and your brain waves, so that your skin changed color according to your mood?” (Foer 163) This invention lets others and even themselves know what they are feeling at the moment and the world can communicate with them accordingly. This is like a shortcut rather than actually talking to someone to see how they are feeling, you could simply see what color they are. In this sense, Oskar is very open about his feelings. He wants people to know them but sometimes he doesn't even know what he's feeling so he can't tell others. He also has a strong desire to know what others are feeling so he can know how to treat them. For example, the scene where Oskar asks his mom what she is feeling: “ ‘Are you still mad at me?’ ‘No.’ ‘Are you sure?’ ‘I was never mad at you.’ ‘What were you?’ ‘Hurt.’” (Foer 172) I think he can talk to people personally but he does indeed always update the readers on how heavy his boots are or how he is feeling and what makes him uncomfortable right on the spot.
going off part of what Molly said above I agree with what she says about using shortcuts but I think when he try s to use some of his less creative ideas to communicate they back fire, for example on page 169 when Oskar exclaims the phrase 'Fuck You!' to his mother he was just taking a shortcut in saying how he really felt. In a different view he could have spent a very much elongated span of time saying how he was up set with his mother. Which would have benefited him because we later find out in the conversation that Oskar says some very hurtful things to his mother that hurt her a great deal.
I also think that he always wants to know what are other people are feeling but he wants the others to know how he feels. On page 94 he is conversing with Abby Black about the elephant picture, where he repeatedly recites that he loves that elephant picture. Even though in a typical conversation most would, how the hip kids say, blow off this comment.
I like what Demitra A. said, "communicating is something one has to learn by observing others, and once his dad died he stopped associating himself with others." I agree that by observing others one learns the basis of communication. However when his father died I think not only did he stop associating himself with others, but he lost trust in communicating altogether, because his father had been associated with words through his riddles.
Also I think that his loss of words is his way of purifying himself, in a sense. To him,using words as a way of communication had been corrupted. So by loosing them, he was able to find ways of communication on a more emotional and personal basis. The fact that he uses his journals of words as a stool, a door stop, etc., shows the materialism and unimportance of them as a form of true communication.
While reading I thought it was very strang that the Grandfather just decided not to talk one day or if he could ever talk (Im a little confused on that part)? But if he decided not to talk one day I think it might have been because he is ashamed of himself. He feels like he let down Anna because he couldn't find her after the bomb, and then he got with her sister and kind of pretends in a way that she is Anna. Which is pretty messed up. I would definetly say that the reason he stopped talking is because of himself and his personal problems. He feels like he's not worthy of talking to people like they talk to eachother because he let himself down earlier in life. I thought that Oskar might make him feel like he could talk again but he didnt.
Ashley L brings up a very interesting point about the grandfather. I think that while the Grandfather was ashamed of himself for not being able to find Anna after the bomb, like Ashley said, I think it could also be because of his love for her. What I mean is that he loved her so much that during the days and years after the bomb, he couldn’t bear to speak her name or much less talk about her because it hurt too much. It brought up memories that were not only hard for him to remember, but brought him emotional pain when remembering the past. He eventually stopped talking because words sounded too much like her name or some words would remind him of her. When writing to his ‘unborn child’ on page 16, he says ““And” was the next word I lost, probably because it was so close to her name…” I think he believed that it would be best if he did not physically speak because it would be easier emotionally and less painful. This would obviously be hard to communicate with others, yet he finds a way to communicate by writing his thoughts on paper.
Although the grandfather doesn't wish to speak, he has invented a new way of conversation. He chooses to write his thoughts and feelings down on his day planner so that he does not have to hear himself. On page 257 Oscar ask him to "try to say something." His grandfather refuses saying he can't but I wondered if he really has tried to speak but was unable to, or if he can't because the memory of Anna will be to painful.
Also, Mr. Black in 6A has not comunicated with the world in a very long time because he hadn't needed to, everything he needed or wanted was there or could be brought to him. He had no use in hearing so he turned off his hearing-aids. When finally Oscar reached out and tried to communicate with him, he read Oscars lips because he could not hear. He made use of another form of understanding so as to converse with Oscar.
Both men choose to distance themselves from their worries by cutting off verbal conversation. Oscar tried to help them overcome their sadness without even realizing what he was doing for them.
I agree with what Brittany W said about Oskar helping his grandfather and Mr. Black through getting somewhat re-acquainted to interacting with the world. Its great how he does it because Oskar only being nine has a more naive perspective and can't really see why they don't do these things so he tries to incorporate them in the world. On page 164 Oskar asks Mr. Black, "Do you want to help me?" For Oskar it was just asking for help but for Mr. Black it was re-opening a lost form of communication for him.
But for his Grandfather I think it is a communication he knows he has and can use, but he has all these memories about Anna that would be hard to talk about. I have a question though wouldn't even writing the words that remind you of Anna hurt almost as strong as saying them? It's just that both speaking and writing are equal ways of communication and one would hurt just as much as the other.
For the question Conner D asked, I think it would actually of been easier for Oskar's grandfather to write down his feelings. When someone expresses their feelings they always say it with a tone. From this tone you can tell if they are really sincere. I'm not saying that his feelings weren't sincere for Anna but maybe he really didn't know what his true feelings were. To me its much easier to write down what I am feeling than saying it out loud.
But as both Conner D and Brittany W said, Oskar does have a way of helping people who have been "hiding" for awhile back into the world. Mr. Black had not ventured outside of his apartment since his wife died. But once Oskar comes along he is able to get him back into the city and interacting with people again. Oskar is also able to get who he thinks is his grandmothers "renter" back into the world. His grandfather had not seen or even heard that he had a grandson until his son died. If Oskar's dad would of not died I think everything would of been different. Oskar would of never meet Mr. Black or his grandfather.
Krystle W states that “If Oskar’s dad would have not died I think everything would have been different.” Of course it would have been different. But I think of his father’s death as a major turning point in his communication with everyone in the world around him. Because of his father’s death Oskar met so many new people, not to mention he was connected on a different level with those closest to him such as his grandmother and mother. Oskar is “not very good with people” (201) and he is forced to get out and talk to possible hundreds of new people he would have never talked to prior to his father’s death. Granted, while his father was alive, his father had Oskar do “scavenger hunts” such as “the Renaissance Expeditions” (8). This helped Oskar to learn to open up to new people which helped him in the search for the lock.
When Oskar talks to his mother after his father’s death, the conversations seem shorter and shallower, especially when he tells her that he is “going out” and will “be back later”. When he is talking on the walkie talkie with his Grandmother they always answer each other’s calls with “I’m OK.” It is as if they are worried that the other was killed like his father was, and they just need to check that the other is there.
Krystle W says, “If Oskar's dad would of not died I think everything would of been different. Oskar would of never meet Mr. Black or his grandfather” and I completely agree. Something good has come out of the father’s death. Oskar was able to create new friendships and relationships. Oskar did not purposefully make new friendships while searching for the lock but ended up doing so anyway. If his father never died, he never would have met his grandfather or Mr. Black or anyone else for that matter. He would have missed out on an opportunity to go out of his comfort zone and meet new people.
I think Oskar has an . . . unusual way of communicating to others. While most people in his situation would just call everyone who had the last name of Black and ask them over the phone, but Oskar had to go speak to them in person. This is a way for him to truly know if the people are being sincere and for him to get real answers.
okay, first off, i agree with Amanda R. about Oskar not isolating himself. He is perfectly fine with taking up to random strangers, entering their houses, and inviting them to come to his Hamlet play. The reason he doesn't talk to his mother is because he blames her for his father's death. He's alway's asking her why she wasn't there when it was happening, and then questioning her relationship with Ron and then saying she never loved her husband. And yet, he also is so secretive with her because he's tring to protect her. He's never shown her the messages, or told her what really happened on that day.
I think that the communication in this book is connected to feeling. The reason the Grandfather lost his words was because of his saddness for Anna. The novel states, "but i couldn't finnish the senntance, her name wouldn't come" (16). Anna's name was the first word he couldn't speak.The means of his communication were directly connected with his emotion's for Anna. And so, one by one, he lost all his words.
It's the same way with Oskar. He avoids talking about his father most of the time, especially to his mother and grandmother. But he hasn't lost his words like his grandfather did. The messages his father left just before he died probably help him through more than anything. Keeping the last words of the person he loved most all to himself is a very special thing to Oskar. But, as he say's it still gives him, "heavy boots". It's these , "heavy boots", that Oskar has taken up lying. His emotion has also affected his communication, just in a different way than his grandfather.
I would like begin by contradicting Krystle W's answer to Connor D's question. Connor asked "wouldn't even writing the words that remind you of Anna hurt almost as strong as saying them?" and Krystle's response in a nut-shell was that writing is an easier way of communicating one's emotions. I personally agree with Connor. While saying one's thoughts out loud is certainly more challenging, I have little reason to believe that it is any easier (in the emotional sense) on the distressed being than expressing the same emotions via pen and paper. For instance, I know we have all been through the infamous days of Middle School which were filled with immature journals that were only shared between "BFF's", and I also know that High School has come with more face-to-face confrontation than Middle School. In both stages of life friendships were lost, words were exchanged, and feelings were hurt. Is it any easier to take harsh words in off of a stylish notebook than it is to hear them from a stylish friend? I say no, it is not. My scenario is this: One of your nearest and dearest friends has upset you greatly. How do you break the news? The way I see it, is that you have two options. The first option involves little to no confrontation. This would include phone calls, text messaging, a letter, spreading the news through another friend, etc. The second option is to simply stroll over to your buddy and share your complaint. And now the base of the original question comes back into play. Which way hurts them the most? In agreement with Connor, I say both hurt the same. While it may be easier to convey the negative news through a pencil and some loose leaf, it is no easier to hear that you have done wrong through a silly notebook than it is to hear the same news in person. Take Thomas Schell's death for example. Oskar's dad communicated the tragic news of his death through a series of messages and phone calls. Was it any easier for Oskar or his mom to hear? Of course not. Bad news is bad news and pain is pain; there is no easy way to break someone's heart or say a last goodbye because words are just as easily understood from a note, letter, E-mail, book, etc. as they are to hear. So, in my opinion, words are powerful either way and will hurt, help, or even heal just the same in every possible form.
Also, Carlin P brought up a very interesting addition to my answer. Carlin wrote that Oskar’s “emotion has also affected his communication, just in a different way than his grandfather.” Oskar’s grandfather is an example of a third option to my letter scenario: silence. I think that the use of silence throughout Foer’s novel is just as interesting as his various forms of words. I personally believe that the act of saying nothing is just as, if not more, hurtful than speaking or writing. For example, we have the relationship of Oskar’s grandparents. We see that the Grandmother is just as hurt by Thomas’s lack of words as she is when he is spelling out his emotions. And after all, are not tears silent? I am sure that all of us have made mistakes that were so severe they literally left our parents, teachers, or friends speechless. Was not that silence just as, if not more, terrifying than when they finally found the words to describe their feelings? Words, whether in the form of speech, longhand, or even their absence, are powerful and affective.
Of all the characters, Oskar has the hardest time communicating his feelings to others-even his mom. He hurts her pretty bad when he says,"If I could have chosen, I would have chosen you!" (171). When he is sad, he communicates in an aggressive way. It seems to me that he doesn't think about what others feel, but he does start to realize that others experience pain just like him. We can see this when he shares us stories about the atom bomb where a woman lost her daughter. One way Oskar communicates with his mom is giving himself bruises because he wants her to feel sorry for him even though she already loves him. He understands that his mom went through a major loss as well, but Oskar takes a the harder blow when it comes to his father's death.
Molly G W says,"he always wants to find a shortcut to seeing how people feel," which is incredibly true because he chooses simpler ways to communicate with others because he does not involve his feelings. The form of communicating he prefers most is writing letters to people like Stephen Hawking, Jane Goodall, and Ringo Starr. It's easier for him to communicate with people he does not know very well because they won't judge him like his classmates do when he presents his project; they only make fun of him. This part touched me because they do not know that he is constantly weighted down with his feelings and they only make him feel worse. However, when he does get close to someone it's challenging for him when they want to move on. For example, his father died and left him with "heavy boots" and then when Mr. Black from 6A says,"I think I'm finished" makes Oskar implode because another person he has grown close to is leaving him alone (254).
Throughout the novel, tells us false events like the play, where he beats up Jimmy and then when he is with Mr. Black, he says what he would have liked to kick his door, push him, and shout,"Fuck you!" (254). Oskar clearlky demonstrates that he can only communicate his feelings in a reserved way.
I disagree with you carlin p w about Oskar blamming his mom for his dad's death.
I don't think Oskar blammed anyone for his fathers death because on page (237) while talking to his grandfather he says, "You didn't kill my dad" after he says he is sorry. This shows that he doesn't blame people for his fathers death other than the people who actually did it, and I know Oskar is smart enough to know his mom didn't do it. The reason why he kept asking why she wasn't there when it happened was because on page (301) Oskar says, "Maybe he kept saying it to give me time to get brave enough to pick up." so I think he was feeling guilty that he didn't pick up and was mad that his mom wasn't there to pick up instead. Also I don't believe Oskar thought his mom didn't love his dad but I think Oskar thought his mom was getting over his dad's death too fast. I think the reason he doesn't talk to his mom is a combination of anger, feeling special, and protection. He is angry at his mother for being with Ron and not being at home when his dad died. I think he also feels special that he is the only one who knows about the key and the messages. Also I think he is being protective and not showing his mom the messages so she doesn't get sad.
Carlin P W says, “The reason he doesn’t talk to his mother is because he blames her for his father’s death”. She gives some good explanations for why that is true, but I don’t think Oskar necessarily blames her for his father’s actual death. He does question his mother’s relationship with Ron, and wonder why she wasn’t with him on his “worst day”, but he is only blaming her for trying to move on with her life. He feels that if she really loved her husband, she would mourn for the rest of her life. This also brings us back to communication. Oskar’s mother tries to tell him that her relationship with Ron is just a friendship and that she will never fall in love again. Oskar only sees how happy she is around Ron. He feels like she is betraying his father and, therefore, betraying him. No matter how hard his mother tries to communicate that they are just friends, he doesn’t understand. This shows that Oskar has trouble with communication. Haley S W says that he has a hard time communicating with others, but I think that he has trouble when others try to communicate with him. He has no problem communicating with all of the different Blacks, but he has a hard time understanding what people are trying to communicate to him.
Savannah M W brings up an excellent point. Words can be extremely affective even in their absence. There are so many words that are not said in the novel. At one point, Oskar invents a book with every word in every language in it so that he can carry around all of the possible words he can say. The very idea of this book makes him feel powerful because he will always be able to communicate in some way no matter who he comes across. Words are incredibly powerful in the book and in real life because they help us get to know each other. They are powerful but not absolutely necessary. In some ways silence is the best form of communication, and the phrase, “actions speak louder than words” is a perfect example of that. Oskar seems to understand actions more than words so he does not understand much of what people say to him. This is why he only sees how happy his mother is with Ron, and he doesn’t hear what she is telling him.
We can communicate a lot with our actions so here is my question: If Oskar’s grandfather has to write down all of his words, is he communicating with words, or in the act of writing it down, is he making it an action?
As an answer to Kristin T W's question I think that writing itself can be an action, so in a way, Oskar's grandfather was doing both. Writing is, in fact, a verb therefore making what Oskar's grandfather did was communicating with both actions and words. There were also times when his grandfather would move his hand in a certain gesture to show what he wanted to say and his grandmother would know what he was saying. It is just as powerful as words but in a different way of communication. The phrase "actions speak louder than words" is not true in this case as they both speak at the same level. But it could be true if someone is trying to get something done and just talks about it rather than actually taking action. Those are two totally different situations and I don't think that phrase applies here.
We've been talking about the power of words in this story and it is not only communicated through words but through the pictures in the book as well. "A picture is worth a thousand words." That phrase I think does apply here because it is yet another form of communication in the book.
A picture is worth a thousand words, and this book would not be the same without the pictures. The author communicates his ideas through the pictures. If just wrote about the elephant the reader would not have understood the real image. By putting the picture there Foer made sure the reader knew what he was talking about.
As Megan B stated at the beginning of the post, “All the different communication styles in Oskar's family may be a result of all the tragedy that the family has endured (The Dresden bombing and the then 9/11)”. Everyone has a traumatic event in their lives, and they can choose how they want to deal with it. Oskar’s family stopped communicating. This changes throughout the novel. When Oskar started searching for the key, which was closer of his father’s death, he started communicating more. Many people said that Oskar communicated better with strangers, and the said it was because he blamed his family, but did you think that it could have been because he was trying to get over his father’s death? By talking to strangers he was trying to get a better understanding of what happened to his father. Oskar’s communication with others improved when he stared getting over his father.
On page 301 Oskar tells Abby Blacks husband about the last message his dad left the day he died. This was after Mr. Black told him about the key. Oskar had finally found the answer he was looking for and he opened up. He had only known Abby’s husband for a little while and he already told him his deepest secret that even the reader did not know.
Oskar was not the only one to open up communication by the end of the book, his mother also did. Oskar never knew that his mother also got a call from his father the day he died until she told him. (324) Oskar’s mother was keeping a secret just like Oskar had been. After they dealt with the death of their loved one, Thomas Schell, they were able to communicate with each other openly.
True, pictures can speak a thousand words, as said by many. The pictures in this novel represent Oskar's first choice for communication. His sets of photos have no caption, forcing the reader to try to understand him. It's the easiest way for him to show the world what's going through his mind. He struggles to communicate with many around his as a result of the way his mind works.
As Kelsey B says, "Oskar's family stopped communicating" after the tragedy. This puts an even bigger gap between him and the people he loves, making his struggle and journey harder, but overall changing him for the better. He is forced to communicate with many people on his journey so he can "have a better understanding of what happened to his father" (Kelsey B). This makes him stronger in his quest for communication and have a better understanding of the world in general. He opens up and lets people in, which also leads to success.
In addition, Oskar communicates how he feels in French. This is another way, besides images that help him let the world know how he feels. This starts on page one, and continues, making it another form of expression for him. All he wants is to be understood, and throughout this novel, he finds that through communication, almost as if his dad helped him over the gap.
I find it quirky that Oskar uses french to communicate, because it seems as though no one surrounding him speaks any french. This element, I believe goes back to as many have said the lack of communication between Oskar and the surrounding world. Oskar doesn't know how to communicate in english, so he's tried communicating in another language. Ultimately, he just ends up "talking to himself." I also think that the lack of communication comes with a lack of parenting skills. His mother never cares enough to find out what he's up to. He simply says "I'm going out," and she doesn't ask where or for what. He's nine years old, and going out into New York City by himself. Wouldn't you want to know what your child was up to?
Communication takes many forms within this book, Oskar's favorite seems to be through pictures. Kari makes an excellent point when she states, "His sets of photos have no caption, forcing the reader to try to understand him. It's the easiest way for him to show the world what's going through his mind." As previously stated, Oskar has much trouble communicating with those around him, and the pictures interspursed throughout the story allows his emotions just to pour out.
Thank you to Molly G for answering my question. That really helped me.
Kelsey B stated that, “by talking to strangers [Oskar] was trying to get a better understanding of what happened to his father”. This is true because, in his mind, finding the lock was supposed to bring him closer to his father. His whole journey was about finding what his father had left for him to find. Kelsey also asks, “Did you think that it could have been because he was trying to get over his fathers death?” I don’t think that he was ever trying to get over his death. He was trying to remember him and get closer to him, by finding what he thought his father left him to find. He even gets angry at his mother for having fun with Ron. He feels that they should both be mourning for a long time so that they don’t forget their loved ones. He wants to suffer so that he will never forget his father.
Kari P brings up a very important form of communication. Oskar uses French to communicate multiple times throughout the book. In one scene, Oskar meets a woman who doesn’t speak English (195). His first thought is to try French, but she does not understand him. He feels very uncomfortable when he has to bring her to the stairs to speak with Mr. Black in a language he doesn’t understand. He uses French for a back up when he cannot communicate in any other way. It is true that, “all he wants is to be understood” (Kari P). He uses French in the hope that people might understand him better.
As to Lydia B’s question about wanting to know what your child was up to, Oskar later discovers that his mother does know everything he has been doing. Abby Black tells him that she talked to his mother and Oskar has the revelation that everyone he is close to knows what he has been doing (292). It makes him angry because no one told him that they knew what he was up to.
Wow. I love how everyone is argueing with me! Yay! *claps hands* ( i wonder if my new avitar will show up with this post.)
Anyways. I love Savanna's opinion about silence being just as effective as words. Savanna M say's "Is it any easier to take harsh words in off of a stylish notebook than it is to hear them from a stylish friend?" I'd personally have to say no. The fact that the person can't say the words right to you're face is a harder concept to deal with. let me give a nice little example. say the person you're going out with breas up with you. . . via e-mail. the experience is going to be harder on the person reading it than the person writing it. It's the same with the Grandmother in the story. Her spouse can hear the words she's saying, and she can only read his sentances written out in a book. It's much harder to convey one's emotion in written words.
aother exaple of this, is an e-mail i sent to a friend of mine. he didn't know it was me adn when he asked if it was I replied, "no,duh" in a meant to be sarcastic way. He replied, very seriously, "then who is this?" And he wasn't joking. *ha ha* that could just mean that my buddy is not the sharpest crayon in the box, but it's really just that coonveying words when they are only written down is difficult. the main thing our voices have that written words don't is tone. Like if i type here, "OH MY GOD!!!" you can't tell if it's surprise, excitement, or anger. (sorry to anyone i may have offended by saying god)
Also, Oskar is still very young, no matter how smart or imaginative he may be. and it's because of his age that i think he partly blames his mom. Little kids are alway's in need of someone to blame. Everyone is. Placing the blame on someone else's shoulder's takes the weight off one's self. distancing himself from his mom and wishing the blame upon her probably makes Oskar feel better, lighten his boots. And it's not that he doesn't blame the terrorists, or the Firemen or anything, I'm sure he does. The one he probably blames the most his his fahtter himself. but those people aren't close enough for him to phisically blame them and make sure they feel like it's they're fault. I bet a single one of you can't say you've never blames something on a sibling, friend or parent. it's a way of dealing with greif.
I must disagree with Lydia B when she says, “I also think that the lack of communication comes with a lack of parenting skills. His mother never cares enough to find out what he's up to.” Oskar’s mother does care about him very much, and she doesn’t need to ask Oskar where he is going or what he is up to because she already knew about his quest for finding the lock. On page 291, Oskar suddenly “understood why, when Mom asked where [he] was going, and [he] said “out,” she didn’t have to ask any more questions. She didn’t have to, because she already knew.” She had already called every single person with the last name of Black and knew that Oskar was perfectly safe when visiting strangers. She cared enough to let him go on his pursuit of the lock and make sure he was safe doing so. If she was a careless parent, she would have never taken the time to call everyone to ensure his safety. What caring parent would let their nine year old wonder around New York City if they knew it was unsafe?
After Oskar was able to move on and accept his father’s death, he was able to open up and communicate with his family and others little by little. Like Kelsey B said, “[Oskar] had only known Abby’s husband for a little while and he already told him his deepest secret that even the reader did not know.” Once you are able to acknowledge the death of a loved one, it is easier to open up because you have accepted the fact that they have passed on. It is easier to express your feelings and communicate to others how you feel about the death. In the end, Oskar and his mother have a little talk and they end up crying together. This is the first time they have cried together since the death of Thomas Schell. It is a big step towards filling in the communication gap between them. Those tears say a lot and they, finally, know exactly how each of them feels at the present moment.
When Oskar's dad was alive they had their own very special form of communication. With the scavenger hunts they had, Oskar knew how to look for clues and what could possibly be a clue. Foer writes, "He shrugged his shoulders, which to me meant it was a major clue" (Foer 8). His dad worked the game into their everyday lives making their own form of communication. Because of this main form of communication with only his dad, he doesn't know how to communicate with the rest of the world now that he is gone.
I also wanted to point out that words are presented to be very powerful in this novel. When Oskar first goes to see Mr. Black, he discovers he has a collection of cards. The cards are shown with a person's name and one word describing them. Oskar is shocked that simply one word could describe an entire person but that is what Mr. Black does. The fact that just one small word can describe any person makes words very powerful. Oskar later makes his own card but can't decide on just one word for himself, changing it and eventually making it much more than one word. (172-173) I think this shows that Oskar isn't sure who he really is or how he is feeling. True, no one could ever describe themselves in one word very easily, even as an adult but Mr. Black manages to do this with everyone he meets. The words he uses are all repeated as well. No one has one unique word assigned to them. Money and war are the most common in his collection. What does this say about our society? Could our society be summed up in one word? It would be extremely difficult but that just shows how powerful words are in this novel.
To add to what Molly G said, the words that describe each person are all very powerful words. Although isn't there more to a person than just one word? The word on each card could partially describe the person, yet they would leave out so much that the person was about. It seems to be more of a judgement rather than a complete description.
On page 286 Oscar finds his card, and all it describes him as "Son." I don't think that would be my one word to describe Oscar. Inquisitive, determined, or inventive would have been words that I would have also thought of. To me the cards are Mr. Blacks way of blocking off communication to the world. He judges and doesn't usually rejudge. Personally I don't believe anything can be summed up in one word.
Sometimes the author communicates his thoughts in odd ways. Throughout the book Oscar writes to Stephen Hawking. The reader knows he is writing to Stephen although they do not know what about. In the last letter from Stephen it suggest that Oscar has poured out his heart and soul to Stephen (pages 304-305). Although you dont know if that is really what he did. It is the author's way of making you think of the possibalities. Also as on pages 203 through 207 the author only uses a few words from a passage. this lets you know in general what happens yet doesn't communicate the whole meaning.
I don’t seem to be able to locate the original post, but if I am correct, someone previously mentioned that Oskar’s grandfather chose to stop speaking. I could be mistake but I still think it to be an interesting topic. Did Thomas chose to stop speaking or did he truly lose his words. I believe that in reality he did have to make a conscious decision not to speak. Most likely, this decision was initiated by the fact that the first word he lost was a word associated with feelings of extreme pain and loss. Anna was the first word he lost. (Foer 16) when he started to lose simple words like and or want, he made a decision, whether or not he was aware of it, that he would allow himself to keep loosing his speech. Ashley L W suggested that it was because he was ashamed of not being able to find Anna after the bombing. While I do agree that Thomas was ashamed I also think that he did not let his shame control himself nearly as much as his pain.
Something else I noticed recently that no one has discussed is the communication in Oskar’s mother’s support group. It may be an obvious form of communication, but it is also quite necessary. Oskar’s mother has trouble communicating her emotions. This is partially because she feels she must be strong for Oskar. She cannot communicate her hurt to her son or mother-in-law, who are her only family. She therefore goes to her support group, and Ron, for help. This contributes to the communication issue within the Schell Family.
In answer to Connor’s question, it was probably easier to force himself to write. Speech is such a sensitive sense that it makes it harder to force upon one’s self.
Adding on to what Lisa M said,("This contributes to the communication issue within the Schell Family.")I wanted to say that no family has great communication. I think 9/11 brought more families together, even if some in the families were lost. While this may or may not be the case with the Schell family, I believe the communication in that family is normal.
Another thing is that Oskar read his father better than anyone else in the book. Like when his father circled "not stop looking" in the New York Times and Oskar said "It was a message to me!" (p.10) His father did not have to even look at him to tell him something. Oskar and his mother communicated mostly through actions like when he was talking about matresses with arm holes. Oksar said "And making snuggling easier is important." His mother replied with "Very." That points out that they snuggle a lot which is an action to show love.
A lot of people have brought up the types and powers of communication but no one has really addressed who Oskar wants to communicate with. Oskar seems to be on a quest for communication with his father and also people he doesn’t know. A lot of people have mentioned the idea that his father communicates through the envelope with “Black” on it, but Oskar wants to find a way to say something back to his father. Oskar says “the renter and I dug up Dad’s grave” (285). Maybe since Oskar knows that his father’s coffin is really empty, he thinks he can find him by using the key as an excuse to ask people about him. Maybe Oskar knows in the back of his mind that the key really doesn’t open anything and that his father didn’t really leave it as a clue (298); he just wants to find answers about where his father really is. Maybe Oskar doesn’t really believe his father is dead since he can’t actually see his body.
Also, people have mentioned the idea that Oskar isolates himself from the world. I disagree with this because Oskar goes all around New York City on a quest to communicate with his father. Even though he may not know it, Oskar needs to communicate with the outside world. He even turns to lying—which he repeatedly tells readers he hates—to be able to communicate with the outside world. Whether he knows it or not, Oskar needs to communicate because he needs to find out the truth about his father and the key.
Throughout, Oskar struggles with communication. Not because he is indifferent or apathetic, but because he doesn't know how to in the "normal," if you will, way. He tells his mother he's going, "out" and he'll be back "later," when she asks him, "Where are you going and when will you be back?" (87). He also doesn't understand why his grandmother was so upset after almost losing him at the park or why she blames herself so much. He wants to understand, and begins to as the book progresses and he begins communicating with others. This novel is about learning; Oskar has to learn to communicate in the way that most do, so he can understand what his father is saying. Although, on the other hand, Oskar's father's way of communicating his mystery to Oskar is in Oskar's way, making it a bit ironic.
Carlin P mentions she thinks that Oskar "partly blames is mom." However, I don't think that his lack of communication is because he blames anyone. It's simply because he isn't use to that type of communication. No doubt that after his father died, their communication got worse, but his lack of communication isn't rested on any resentment he has towards his mother. Throughout, he isn't pointing the finger at anyone. He doesn't blame his father either; if anything, he is trying to get closer to his father, despite not being able to physically see him. Although blame can be a way of dealing with grief and is very easy to do, Oskar is able to look past that and concentrate on what's important to him; the mystery.
Really quickly I want to express my response to what Carlin P W said. She suggested that Oskar blames his mother for his father’s death. While the text could be interpreted this way, I highly disagree with this comment. Kristin T W said, “He does question his mother’s relationship with Ron, and wonder why she wasn’t with him on his “worst day”, but he is only blaming her for trying to move on with her life. He feels that if she really loved her husband, she would mourn for the rest of her life.” Oskar feels that because she talks to Ron, laughs and smiles, she is not upset about her late husbands passing. Oskar’s whole reason for trying to find the key was to feel that he was sufficiently mourning his father’s death. He doesn’t see his mother mourning and therefore feels that she is not mourning at all. He does not blame her just slightly resents her for not showing her pain.
I believe it was Kristin T who asked whether Oskar’s grandfather speaks through actions or words. I personally believe that he is speaking through both. His words flow out on the page but the action of taking the time to write everything he says out also adds action to it.
Brittany W brought up the subject of Oskar’s card. She pointed out how Oskar’s card only says son. Very few of us would just describe him as son. While it is true that nothing can be summed up in one word but one word can bring up all the memories needed. When one thinks of Oskar as a son one is led to his journey for the key, his determination, his loyalty, bluntness, and above all, the love he has for his father. So while son in and of itself does not describe Oskar, the connotation and memories associated with it very much do sum him up.
One last thing I wanted to discuss was the way in which Oskar doesn’t allow modern communication problems to affect him. I read an article in the Your Hub newspaper this morning entitled “A surprising Facebook invitation leads to text messaging.” The point of the article was to comment on how modern communication has taken the personable aspect out of communicating with people. Oskar however, does not call people on his phone, or resort to email communication. Even when he is writing to Steven Hawking he writes detailed letters to him. He also goes to see every single Black in person. I think this is a really important aspect of Oskar’s personality and the way he communicates with others.
I would have to disagree with Kari P about the lack of communication between Oskar and his mother, after his fathers death. Foer never explained Oskar and his mothers relationship before the death. This leads me to believe that it was not significant and they actually grew closer after the fact. They were forced to communicate because the mother and the grandmother are all that Oskar had left.
Many people have brought up the fact that Oskar has lost much of his communication after he lost his father. I disagree with that as well. They adventure that Oskar endured helped him go to places he wouldn't normally have and talk to people he probably never would have met. For example during his uncomfortable first time in Queens he shook his tambourine to remind him that even though he was going through different neighborhood he was still Oskar. (88) He forced him self to experience new things and meet new people. The way Oskar communicated grew immensely after his fathers death. He didn't close off communication at all, he expanded it.
I'd like to delve back in to the significance oof silence in the novel. The moments that are most traumatic on the character's hearts are the one's expressed by silence. One example is when the grandfather see's Anna's fahter sitting in the chair. he describes the situation as, "it was the silence of my life". This scene takes place right before he finds out Anna is pregnant and shortly before the bombings. And then Later, during the Bombings, when he see's the lady on fire carring a lifeless baby, he says, " I heard the roar of that baby's silence". The silence in this book is usually a deep, impacting, and deadly quiet. i think that it's the silence that cna make the scene more impacting. That may be why I find the Grandfather's story more deppressing than Oskar's. It's because of the scaring silences in his life that i think is part of the reason for his loss of words.
When Lisa M talked about how, "Oskar doesn’t allow modern communication problems to affect him" I think she brings up an interesting point. When I first read how Oskar went around to every Black residence for six and a half months I was confused as to why. Why not send out an email or mail a letter? Why not give them a call? I think when Foer writes about Oskar, in a way he is trying to convey some sort of message. In today’s world people are so wrapped up in their phones, text messages, and My Space that we never speak to others one on one. We see teens everywhere - myself included - unwilling to let go of those texting devices even for a few minutes. Oskar is so different from this. It is not that he does not have the ability to write, call, or even e -mail because we have all seen that he can, I believe it is once again a point Foer is trying to make. Every single house Oskar goes to he talks with the people one on one. He wants to see them face to face and get to know them personally. He even goes as far as telling one woman, "You're extremely beautiful. Can we kiss?"(197).Now this could be because he is a young boy and is still naive but he is in no way stupid and is very mature for his age. I think we could all learn a lesson from this fictional 9-year-old boy. We need to step away from the technological world for a bit and just try to get to know some one up close and personal. Foer uses Oskar to show how important communication really is. I think we should take the hint and sit down with people, talk to them, visit them, and really communicate.
I found the point that Cristina W made about Oskar going door to door instead of non-verbal communication is very true and interesting. I never really thought of it that way. When I was reading, for some reason I thought that the only way that he could meet these people is face-to-face. Cristina made a great point though, that there were other ways. Another reason that I feel he chose to go meet with every Black, is that if he would have sent a letter or anything like that, he would not have been guarenteed any form of communication back. This might be another point that Foer is making. Our society today would see a letter or email from someone they don't know and immidiately throw it away without a second glance or thought. By going to each house and meeting everyone in person, he knew that each person at least got the chance to answer.
Oskar has much better communication skills with complete strangers than with his family. It does not seem that he is nervous at all to go to someones house he does not know and have a conversation with them. With his mother and grandma he has a lot to say to them, but with the tradgedy that occured, I think he feels isolated and confused around them. When something like a death happens, it seems like even though you should get closer to the ones you love, there is a period of time when you get farther away from them.
Sorry, but this post of mine is going to back track a bit. As I read through the posts since my last entry, I found that my brain was more drawn to two entry fragments.
The first quote I would like to build off of came from Carlin P. Carlin says that "the main thing our voices have that written words don't is tone. Like if i type here, 'OH MY GOD!!!' you can't tell if it's surprise, excitement, or anger". This statement basically sums-up my last post and it is exactly what I was trying to say. I'm sure that we have all sent a text message, E-mail, or note that the receiving party interpreted wrong and left us in a world of hurt. And as Carlin points out, this is because of the lack of tone- not to mention body language. As people, we communicate so much more through our facial expressions, volume, hand placement, stance, tone, etc. than we do with our actual words. In the book however, we have no way of really seeing Oskar's, Grandmother's, Thomas's, Mother's, or even Stan's body language. This means that most of the characters thoughts, words, and compositions (the "Life story", the daybooks, "Stuff that Happened to Me", etc.) could have easily been misleading and misread. It is possible that we even misinterpreted the entire book (not really, but there is a slight chance). Words are powerful in themselves, our added "style" makes them more or less of a weapon.
This brings me to my next point. I was also struck by Brittany W's entry. Brittany wrote: "On page 286 Oscar finds his card, and all it describes him as 'Son.' I don't think that would be my one word to describe Oscar. Inquisitive, determined, or inventive would have been words that I would have also thought of. To me the cards are Mr. Blacks way of blocking off communication to the world. He judges and doesn't usually rejudge. Personally I don't believe anything can be summed up in one word". I disagree with most of this idea. In order to see Oskar- or any of the people on Mr. Black's cards- in the way Mr. Black sees them, we would have to know them the way he does. We, of course, cannot do this. As Lisa M put so easily, "When one thinks of Oskar as a son one is led to his journey for the key, his determination, his loyalty, bluntness, and above all, the love he has for his father. So while son in and of itself does not describe Oskar, the connotation and memories associated with it very much do sum him up". This is simply saying exactly what I need it to. The word "son", or "money", or even "friend" may seem too simple to describe something so complex as a human being with, but the feelings and other connections to the word associated with the single word describe the person quite beautifully. For example, I could describe my sister with the word "sister". Simple, obvious, somewhat boring, but when I think of a sister, my brain automatically connects to late-night discussions, fighting over the bathroom, laughing about absolutely nothing, baking mishaps, ect. Now an outside party of course would not be able to see my sister the same way I do (especially not through one word), but the purpose of breaking it down to one word is for my benefit and not theirs. Just as it is for Mr. Black and not us.
I agree with Kelsey B that "a picture is worth a thousand words." The pictures are used as a way of describing what Oskar can't express with words. I agree with Anna F when she says, "The meaning of the pictures could be taken different ways, but it's still a way of expressing one's self." Although each reader can't get a different idea as to what each picture means, it is still a form of communication. Acording to Webster's Dictionary, "communication is a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior." Oskar uses pictures as a way to convey his emotions as well as important themes and ideas. We also get to see the world through Oskars eyes. Some of the pictures are confusing because they have nothing to do with the plot, yet I think it comunicates the confusion Oskar is feeling because of the death of his father and the mysterious key.
Communication in the novel has changed several different times. I agree completley with Will J, he said, "I think Foer represents communication kind of like a game." Which is completley true.
Everything Oskar does in his every day life has to involve strong communication to find the answer to this mysterious key, and upping his communication in ways which are quite unique, get him closer. He uses ways such as writing simple answers on both of his hands, speaking with his eyes to people who he has no relation, and chatting with random strangers, it is a complete game. His father wanted him to have to confront and figure things out using uncomfortable and weird communication, which in Oskar's case, is really tough for him. I don't necessarily think his communication skills are affective, but somehow when he uses a new one, a new clue arises. With his Grandmother, he uses a walkie-talkie with her across the street through the windows, not only does he have more of a friendly relationship with her rather than a humble loving one, but it seems like he would do that same thing with his father. The walkie-talkie connects him, yet distances him from one of his most loved one. I think the walkie-talkie symbolizes his struggle to overcome his level of comfort with communication and overall attempts to set out and find the answer to the key.
There was one thing that really jumped out at me about the teakettle statement. The statement was that he would give the kettle his dad's voice. The reason he wanted to give the kettle his dad's voice was so he could go to sleep (p.1). This statement spoke to me on many levels. First of all, I believe this to be a very important statement for character developement. His heart-wrenching statement is put forth to give the reader an idea of what this kid is going through. Secondly it shows me what a broad and creative mind this boy posessses. Honestly, who would ever think of that? It seems to me that this kid has serious issues. Maybe i'm wrong, but this opening sequence seems to be setting us up for a ver interesting novel.
I would have to agree with Emily K W when she states that Oskar’s ways of communication are “uncomfortable and weird,” but I do not think Oskar realizes that at all. He seems perfectly content with communicating the way he does. He does not know the difference between “normal” communication and the way he chooses to communicate. Every influential figure in Oskar’s life seems to have some sort of communicating disability. His grandmother chooses to write her life on a page, his grandfather is mute, his dad is dead, his mother is not really noticeable in his life, the Blacks all seem to have a quirk about them, and correct me if I’m wrong, but Oskar lives in an extremely loud environment. Not loud in a noise sort of way, but there seems to be so much going on at once. The typical forms of communicating would be unsuitable for Oskar’s lifestyle. Therefore, the words “uncomfortable and weird” would be inappropriate for Oskar’s feelings on his way of communication.
On another note, what do the letters that were sent from the famous peoples around the world have to do with our story? Do they foreshadow what will become of Oskar? I would really enjoy if our discussions led in this direction.
Going off of Gina H’s most recent entry, I too noticed that we have not brought-up the letters that Oskar has written to, as well as received from, famous people. The only conclusion I have drawn from these letters is simple, brief, and should be further investigated. For lack of a better explanation, I believe that the letters show accomplishment. The letters show us that no matter how well-known, important, or influential someone may be, a smaller, “less accomplished” child can impact their lives and leave a footprint on their heart. For example, Oskar wrote to Stephen Hawking. Now, as I am sure we all know, Stephen Hawking is the author of Oskar’s much referred to “A Brief History of Time” as well as an accomplished research biologist; and Oskar is a young boy who did not even score a leading role in his school’s rendition of “Hamlet”. The fact that Oskar can write Mr. Hawking a letter, or two, or ten and get an extensive, lovely response filled with encouragement and even a fatherly tone (304-305) is an amazing accomplishment. Of course I cannot speak for everyone here, but I know that if I were to receive such a passionate letter from a hero/heroine of mine, I could not help over-flowing with pride and a renewed sense of passion
I believe that Foer uses the letters the same way he uses Oskar’s journey. Foer uses the letters to show us that anyone can impact the world. Each and every person with lungs full of air and a brain in their head (even perished people such as Oskar‘s dad) can change the way this world turns and influence a nation. In a way, the letter brings Stephen Hawking down to the very “level” of our little Oskar Schell. It shows us that the playing field is even, the slate is equally dirtied or cleansed, and everyone gets an un-disturbed shot from the free-throw line. We are all accomplished, we are all powerful, and we can all do something to better humanity. Take Oskar for example, along his journey, Oskar changed lives, opened eyes and ears, healed broken hearts, and left not one of the Black’s un-changed. In my opinion, the letters be-little the celebrities and magnify Oskar. They “level the playing field” as I said above.
The responses Oskar received were touching, moving, and well-deserved. Everyone should have an encouraging letter from their role-model(s) because with the feeling you would get from such a letter, you could make a difference. A letter like that would be the kick in the pants that this world needs to get its’ act together. A letter like that would solve world hunger, global poverty, and maybe even end war. A letter like that, would be magical.
Oskar's communication with others throughout this book has proven to be strange yet simple and well thought yet many other forms have been presented apart from his verbal interaction.
Though you would not think of it as communication, an important form is the way Oskar dresses and has the world see him. Oskar wears all white, it is not yet specified, but I believe that this may have happened after 9/11 and his father's death. He has the world see him this way because it is his only way of grieving. He jokes and speaks without any sadness and this seems to be his only sign of it.
Another form of communication I noticed was the part about his grandfather. When his grandmother tells him about meeting his grandfather, she speaks about his inability to communicate yet a greater one that comes non-verbally. I am not sure why his grandfather could not speak but possibly something tragic could have happened to him like what happened to Oskar.
Foer does not specify enough to make a conclusion from these yet losing something and replacing it with another seems to be a major part of the communication. It is mentioned many times and makes the characters who they are.
Oskar's search for communication is perforated by the sensational lack of traditional communication in his life. Oskar does not appear to see the common 'rules' of ordinary communication, and as such, he is not held back by those boundaries. For instance, I do not not believe that the average child would embark on a quest to interrogate everyone with the last name Black in New York City, and after finding them, in alphabetical order no less, imparts much of his life to them as if there was no risk involved. This is what I might characterize the said 'autistic' nature of Oskar and the narrative; the embodiment of the strong connection between this novel and "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time." It puzzles me that Oskar, who outwardly describes his peculiar fears, two of which are heights and riding on public transportation, that he would be so ready to expose his life and quest to complete strangers in a desperate search for something he knows he really can not get back. And throughout it all, Oskar maintains some of his various habits and philosophies while abolishing others in the sake of efficiency and time. He thinks some things through completely (he supposedly thought over the plot to unearth his father's grave quite extensively with his grandfather) but others are left to chance (in fact, the grave unearthing was almost a complete failure, requiring the heavy assistance of the limo driver in order to successfully even unearth the grave). The requirement of ordinary communication methods is so blatant throughout the novel that it appears as though Foer is almost inconsistent in his portrayal of a static Oskar. If Oskar was truely meant to be static, as one would interpret by the cyclic nature of the narrative and the supposed resolution of his father's death at the end of the novel, then why should Oskar be so able to change and understand? Why should he "give up" or "move on" from this desperate quest? He embraces normal means of communication and interpretation in the end, but his grandfather does not; the parallel sides to life's questions: embrace or push away, hope or despair, life or death. And it is this parallel that connects Oskar through his father to his grandfather, the man who did not exist. They commune and connect with one another in an animalistic and instinctual level that transcends that traditional communication that had bound Oskar and his grandfather into similar reclusion. It simply took the two halves of Oskar's father, his father and his son, to complete and resolve his life; communication and communion together and whole.
Gina H’s statement, “Oskar lives in an extremely loud environment” is really what this book is about. Oskar has to learn to communicate with others to get to where he wants to go, to find out what he wants to find out. Although at first, his ways of communicating are a bit awkward, he is able to find a balance between his way, and the world’s way. The gap between his misunderstandings of how others communicate is filled with hope when those people listen to him and vice versa. “Uncomfortable and weird” (Emily K) might be what one thinks of Oskar at first, but their opinions transform and his ways of communicating almost become charming. Oskar learns to get through to people in his own way. This shows that although he did undergo some change, he did it his way.
Going back to the letters from famous people, in addition to Savannah M’s idea that anyone can make a difference, they also represent the ability to get close to someone. Like in the title, “incredibly close” relates to Oskar. He is searching for answers, to be close to something, and to get up-close with those answers. The letters show that even if it is a pre-made letter sent out to everyone that sends a letter, anyone is able to get close to someone. Maybe not in a personal way, but it is possible. Also, the fact that Oskar found the pre-made letter acceptable says that it was close enough for him. He got something, which in the end was everything.
Oskar could be on a quest for communication in any number of ways, and he goes to great lengths to establish communication mostly with his dad, or his past. Like Ethan G said, "Oskar does not appear to see the common 'rules' of ordinary communication, and as such, he is not held back by those boundaries"- he pretty much does anything and everything he is capable of doing to connect to his father. This also means that he has to 'break' his communication with his mother in order to get the freedom to continue his search. He starts counting his lies as they pile up, lying being a foreign concept to him before his search. He also goes out of his way to talk to people he sees in and around his home, like the homeless man asking for money, swearing it's for food, and the mailwoman, so she could drop off any mail for him. He strongly believed that any mail addressed to him carried the utmost importance and he had to make sure that it was delivered. What if it were Stephen Hawking with a rare personal response? Communication was huge for Oskar later in the novel as well, when he tried tracking the key to either it's owner or the lock it fit in. However, since a new lock was made faster than he could try every lock, he had to search out every person with the name of Black and interrogate them. I think in all of these interactions Foer shows that humans, while not necessarily trustworthy, all have mouths and can communicate in some way, even if they have to use pencil and paper, like Oskar's grandfather. Since everyone can communicate, they all can help Oskar in some way.
I agree with Gabriella
M that, "maybe the key and the quest he is on may help him as he is developing more people skills." Throughout the novel, Oskar communicates well with the strangers he meets with. I think he communicates more with the strangers than with his grandma and his mother. He easily gets the stranger to open up as though he has known them for years. When he is talking to the old man he says: "Because even though I didn´t know him, I felt like I knew him."(162)
Even though the old man is a stranger to him, Oskar communicated so well with him, that he got Mr. Black to tell him his life story. Oskar even befriended the old man. I agree with Cristina W that,"In today's world people are so wrapped up in their phones, text messages, and My Space that we never speak to others one on one." I think Foer is trying to suggest that we should rely less on these methods of communication and be more like Oskar.
I disagree with Ashley L W. I believe that after Oskar lost his father, he began loosing communication with his mother. There has been a lot of instances in the book where Osker does not tell his mother what he is doing or what is wrong. (Page 42.) "The same thing that is always wrong." You're sick?" "I'm sad." "About dad". Osker wouldn't tell his mom what was wrong until she asked him. He will never go to his mom to talk she has to almost beat it out of him. I feel Oskar chooses to talk to strangers over his mother or grandmother maybe because they do not know anything about him and know nothing about his past. I feel as if Oskar talks to all of the Blacks he meets more than his mother. Probably his mother does know about his fathers death and how he reacted to it. I also feel another reason why Oskar looses communication with his mother is because he is angry about his fathers death when he says (Page. 171) "If I could have chosen, I would have chosen you!" I think Oskar is just really mad about the loss of his father, because if it would have been his mother that died the same thing could have happened. I think Oskar is mad at his mother too because he feels like it is her fault because she wasn't home (Page. 169). Oskar is still too young to realize that his mother being home would not have prevented his father's death.
In many ways Oskar is losing the communication by self inflicting ways. One of his many rules to himself is that he will say just what is needed to his mother, while he will explain everything to the people he is trying to get information from. He chooses to do the things he does so he won't be barraged with questions, or denied the right to do what he thinks is his duty. He starts talking less and less to his grandmother after he starts hearing things he doesn't agree with. He's not open to everyones words which will eventually be his downfall.
I agree and disagree with some of the points that Vanessa G made. I agree that since the death of his father, Oskar has lost most of his communication with his mother. He also feels that his mother has already moved on. Like at the very beginning of the book, Oskar is thinking about how he, "wanted to tell her she shouldn't be playing scrabble yet. Or turning the stereo any louder than you needed just to hear it. It wasn't fair to Dad, and it wasn't fair to me"(35). I think that Oskar somewhat feels that no one should be able to move on until he is able to move on.
I disagree when she said "his mother does know about his fathers death and how he reacted to it." I think that she can see how he is reacting to it, and that is why she gives him his space and lets him go and explore. She doesn't ask a lot of questions about what he is doing, and I think that is so that Oskar has time to go and find the missing peices to the puzzle of his fathers death. I don't think that he is angry at his mother for the death of his father, and I don't think that he meant what he said about wishing his mother was dead instead of his father. I think that what Foer is trying to say is that when you loose someone or something very close to you, you say and do things that you do not mean and later regret.
Lisa M last comment made me think. She said, "Oskar doesn’t allow modern communication problems to affect him...modern communication has taken the personable aspect out of communicating with people." I thought about how while Oscar was searching for the lock for the key, he goes and personally speaks to each person with the name of Black. Oscar had the choice of calling those people, talking to them, or just forgetting about the key and its possible meaning. Oscar chooses to go and talk to the people personally. His choice could be caused by fear. Oscar said at one point in the book that he was afraid of the phone after the day his dad died. This fear forced Oscar to search for the key in a more personal and formal way. In going and actually talking to people oscar exposes himself to strangers and show them all of his fears and desires. In turn it also helps others escape from their lack of communication to the outside world.
In Gina H’s most recent comment, she brings up the topic of communication through letters. It’s obvious that the letters that Oskar sends to famous people are another way for him to communicate. When he first sends a letter to Stephen Hawking asking to be his protégé, he receives the letter in which Hawking says he is unable to give personal responses. Oskar wants a laminator so he can “preserve” the letter (11-12). This letter keeps popping up at somewhat random times throughout the book. In my mind, Stephen Hawking and Oskar are similar. Both have many people trying to communicate with them and neither of them are able to give personal responses. Oskar has trouble when people try to communicate with him and he even shuts down at points in the book. He says, “I was zipping up the sleeping bag of myself” (6). Hawking sends out millions of the same letter because he doesn’t have time to personalize them. He promises to answer ever letter in the future, and Oskar eventually gets a personalized letter from him. Oskar also learns to communicate better by the end of the novel.
There are many letters in the novel, but not all the letters are from Oskar to famous people. The grandmother receives a letter from an inmate, and then asks everyone she knows to send letters to her (75-79). William Black’s father wrote a letter to everyone he knew when he found out he was dying (297). There are also many letters from the grandfather to the father and from the grandmother to Oskar. All of these letters are a way of communication. The grandmother receives and sends letters of love, William Black’s father makes his love known to everyone, and the grandfather expresses his love for his son. This shows that love is communicated in many different ways in the novel, even through letters.
I don't think Oskar is on a quest to find communication with anyone but his father... His father left behind a key and he is trying to figure out what the key is linked to. He wants to know what his father has to say. I don't think he really gives a shit about the communication with anyone else. He walks to strangers houses and tries to get through to them. He asks the strangers if they knew his father and nothing more. He's a different kid trying to communicate with people the best he can.
"Real answers need to be found in dialogs and interaction and, yes, our shared human condition. This means being open to one another instead of simply fighting to maintain a prescribed position."
I agree with that quote. When you are not directly speaking to a person, or even over the phone, you can't tell how the person means what they are saying. Like, facial expression if you aren't face to face, or tone of voice, if you aren't listening. I think Foer is saying you can communicate to another person no matter what in any way you'd like. I think if that is what he thinks, he is wrong.
I Love Lisa F's whole comment. She wrote, "I don't think Oskar is on a quest to find communication with anyone but his father." I agree with this. When Oskar finds the key in the blue vase he assumes its a clue left for him from his father and starts to search. He never cares to learn about the Black's stories or their lives. He just wants to know about his father. When he looks up September 11th stuff on his computer he is only looking for his father, no one else. that is the only person he wants to have communication with.
Like Corrie S I agree with Lisa F about Oskar being on a search for communication with only his father. Although he is meeting new people and making new friends, he is really only looking for the answers to the questions he has about his father. I also think that Oskar's father is somewhat helping him through his journey. Some people feel that people who have died help you get through the toughest times. I am one of those people. Oskar's dad is trying to help him get through his death by sending him messages. The key is one of those messages. It gives Oskar something to do, and helps him to meet new people and make new friends. I don't think Oskar would have made it through this tough time without his father.
I think that Foer is actually trying to say that you can not see and understand emotoions unless you are face to face with someone. That to me is the reason that he has Oskar go door to door instead of email or writing a letter. This way Oskar can see their emotions, and is able to tell if they are lying or look suspicious. If you write a letter, there is no way of expressing emotion or showing truth or false. I think that is what Foer is trying to show everyone.
I could not find the Test Blog post so I will put it here. . .
To add to what Gina H W said earlier, "Oskar lives in an extremely loud environment. Not loud in a noise sort of way, but there seems to be so much going on at once." This statement is exactly what Foer is trying to convey by the title "extremely loud." The events occuring in Oskar's life as so overwhelming, so unpreidictable that it just seems like life is just blurring by in one huge whoosh! of a whirl. It is not nessesarily bad--but the best way to describe the stature of everything is like how Mr. Black hears the flurry of the birds as his first sound in over 20 years; "out of nowhere, a flock of birds flew by the window, extremely fast and incredibly close. . . . they all seemed like just one bird, because somehow they all knew exactly what to do" (165, 168). The birds are like all the seperate events, the new tidbits of infomation, and the people that have entered Oskar's life, all streaming into one flying flock. Just like how everything in life seems unrelated but in the long run it is all connected and makes sense. I agree that the loudness of Oskar's life is because of all the different events happening at once, however I also believe that it is so loud because everything is so extreme and awe inspiring. Without communication in Oskars life he would have never done the things he really wanted to do. Which as we see throughout the book is one of the most important achievments in life.
Everyone of experience in the book shares their best advice on life with Oskar. He may be unconcious of the fact that their advice, their communication with him, has actually taken effect. And if it we not for his father--even when he was not there--to motivate Oskar to talk to others, Oskar's life, his story, his being would be different. When most people shared with Oskar that they regretted not doing everything they wanted and that "It's always necessary" (314) Oskar subconciously took their advice. He went out alone, found his grandpa, met a 103 year old who may have had the coolest life ever, rid his fears by traveling to the top of the Empire state building and riding in subways, and most importantly opening up his fathers coffin and burrying his "heavy boots." I think that because normalcy in conversation with Oskar is "unsuitible," as Gina H says, that has made him do all the things he wasn't able to do before. His infomative, straight-to-the-point and wise attitute about life has given him such a great advantage in life. His "weirdness" in conversation is his special quirk.
Oskar is an amazing boy, extremely mature and incredibly smart. Oskar had everything in the palm of his hand, that is until his dad died. For most, losing that kind of friendship is hard and most don't know how to react. People go through stages of grieving, which sometimes includes not talking, or in Oskar's case, not saying the truth to someone he loves for the fear of hurting them.
Throughout the novel, Oskar is always talking to his grandma through a radio, or through the phone or sometimes not at all. With his mother, he rarely talks about anything that is important. You can tell that by the way Oskar talks to his mother and grandmother that all he wants to do is talk to someone who won’t sugar coat the fact that his dad is gone.
On his search for self discovery, and the lock, Oskar willingly talks to complete strangers about his dad. He knows that if they didn't know his dad, then they wouldn't be preoccupied with their own grieving and in turn, may be able to help him. When Oskar talks to Abby Black you can tell that he trusts her. Oskar stated that he "wanted to be old enough for her to love me"(97). This love, I'm guessing, is friendship love. Friendship includes trust, and trust includes truthfulness. Oskar let Abby Black know what his full heart was telling him to do. He talks with her like they knew each other for ages. Yet when he tries talking to his mom, he gets extremely frustrated because she tries to tell him that everything will be alright, when in reality they both know nothing will be alright for a very, very long while.
Foer makes a wonderful point about human interactions and how differently we act when a tragedy happens. After 9/11 happened America was put on a restrain from many things, and as a result we became more dependent on newspapers, and radios and keeping our country under control. Foer points out that when tragedy strikes, America and people in general depend more and more on technology to say things for them. Americans these days are dependent on texting, IMing and E-mailing to say things for them, in hope that the person receiving the messages won’t completely understand them. It’s as if Oskar, and many Americans are hoping that technology can cover their real feelings. Which leaves them wondering why no one understands them, but in actuality, they don’t even understand themselves.
Oskar is an amazing boy, extremely mature and incredibly smart. Oskar had everything in the palm of his hand, that is until his dad died. For most, losing that kind of friendship is hard and most don't know how to react. People go through stages of grieving, which sometimes includes not talking, or in Oskar's case, not saying the truth to someone he loves for the fear of hurting them.
Throughout the novel, Oskar is always talking to his grandma through a radio, or through the phone or sometimes not at all. With his mother, he rarely talks about anything that is important. You can tell that by the way Oskar talks to his mother and grandmother that all he wants to do is talk to someone who won’t sugar coat the fact that his dad is gone.
On his search for self discovery, and the lock, Oskar willingly talks to complete strangers about his dad. He knows that if they didn't know his dad, then they wouldn't be preoccupied with their own grieving and in turn, may be able to help him. When Oskar talks to Abby Black you can tell that he trusts her. Oskar stated that he "wanted to be old enough for her to love me"(97). This love, I'm guessing, is friendship love. Friendship includes trust, and trust includes truthfulness. Oskar let Abby Black know what his full heart was telling him to do. He talks with her like they knew each other for ages. Yet when he tries talking to his mom, he gets extremely frustrated because she tries to tell him that everything will be alright, when in reality they both know nothing will be alright for a very, very long while.
Foer makes a wonderful point about human interactions and how differently we act when a tragedy happens. After 9/11 happened America was put on a restrain from many things, and as a result we became more dependent on newspapers, and radios and keeping our country under control. Foer points out that when tragedy strikes, America and people in general depend more and more on technology to say things for them. Americans these days are dependent on texting, IMing and E-mailing to say things for them, in hope that the person receiving the messages won’t completely understand them. It’s as if Oskar, and many Americans are hoping that technology can cover their real feelings. Which leaves them wondering why no one understands them, but in actuality, they don’t even understand themselves.
okay, i'd like to start out by saying that i loved Lisa M's comment of, "Oskar doesn’t allow modern communication problems to affect him...modern communication has taken the personable aspect out of communicating with people."
It backs up my earlier statement of how modern communication doesn't convey tone and body language and all that. And thus it's harder to understand. And Savanna also mentioned that books are the same way. (ha. that's why i luv manga so much.) But I'd like to point out that although Oskar does like meeting all the Blacks face to face instead of phone to phone, he also communicates by pictures. I know this has been said before, but Oskar's main form of communication is his, "stuff that's happened to me folder" the way he communicates with images is like the first way people resored their history, cave paintings and such.
Oskar's ways of communicating are are rather strange and personal to him. He always says "jose" when he he's meaning to say "no way". This is interesting, but he says this to everyone including people that he doesn't know. This must make him look like a strange little boy. I don't think he can fully grasp that people don't always understand his "Oskarisms". He also says his curse words in an odd way like "Succotash my cocker spaniel, you fudging crevasse-hole dipshiitake"(145). Oskar's ways of comunicating often make him seem imature and wierd. Which is kind of funny because Oskar is actually a very smart kid. This, to me, is one of the only ways in the story where I feel like I am reading about a nine-year-old. In the rest of the book it feels like I am reading about a much more mature person. If Oskar were to improve his communication skills, then he would seem much more mature.
Because Oskar is so young I think it is odd that he is able to communicate easily with people he has never met. But at the same time he does say a lot of things that do seem very immature and it shows that he is only a nine year old. But throughout this book you can tell that Oskar is becoming mature. Everytime he met a new person it got easier for him. He was able to just walk into anyones house. Most kids would of not been able to do that. Most kids at his age are taught the stranger danger rule. But Oskar hasn't. But as the book gets to the end, Oskar began to think maybe his mom and grandma knew where he was all the time. Maybe because they had been communicating with all these people all along. Oskar was never communicating with his family at all, so in order for his family to trust him they would of had to know what he was really doing the whole time.
I would like to continue on something that Jamie C P said. She said, "After 9/11 happened America was put on a restrain from many things, and as a result we became more dependent on newspapers, and radios and keeping our country under control". When 9/11 occurred our country was thrown into a situation of almost forced communication. This, even though forced, brought our country closer together. I think this book shows a lot about how tragedy and communication intertwine. Oskar went threw a tragic time when he lost his father. The event ended up with Oskar communicating to those around him. He saw that in order to find the lock to the key he had to be willing to communicate with those around him and even those not around him. This event brought something good to Oskar that he would have otherwise never discovered. I think we see so many examples of tragedy bringing communities, even nations, closer together. There are events such as 9/11, Hurricane Katrina, and the Clolumbine Shootings that show these things. They were horrible, terrible things that happened but when we look back, we see that these tragedies opened peoples eyes and showed the importance of communication and of being close knit with those around you. I think that this book relays an important message to those who read it. Instead of waiting around for a tragedy to let us know that communication is vital, we should just take the initiative to communicate with everyone on our own. It shows us how vital it is to really communicate. Communication is the key to stopping these things before they ever even occur.
Jamie talks about how, “when tragedy strikes, America and people in general depend more and more on technology to say things for them”. I think this is the exact opposite of what Foer is trying to say. I think that he his trying to tell people to actually, and actually means actually, communicate. Stop just sending out messages or emails but go see them face to face. I think that after a tragedy occurs that kind of real communication is vital. Let others know that you care through not only your words but your actions as well. This is such a great message and as I have mentioned before we really do need to learn to really communicate with others! This should happen with no restrictions or implications but just because it should.
I think that because Oskar was too caught up talking to strangers, he lost communication with his family. I agree with Curtis w. he says, " he has to 'break' his communication with his mother in order to get the freedom to continue his search." Oskar prefers to talk to strangers because he wants to get closer to his father. I think that Oskar is more on the quest for communication with his dad more than anything else. Oskar would rather have communication with his father than with his mother. This is probably because he had a stronger bond with his dad than with his mother. He also chooses not to communicate with his mother because he hates that she has already moved along. He also blames his mother for the death of his father. Like Vanessa G said, " Oskar is still too young to realize that his mother being home would not have prevented his father's death." Each time he talks to one of the Blacks, he feels he is getting closer to his father. But by the end of the novel, Oskar matures and he is able to communicate more with people and with his family than he was at the beginning of the novel.
I'd like to focus a little more on how communication is a very important theme to the novel Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, in the way it is written and how everything is introduced. Not all the information is given at once to the reader so it creates a kind of communication between the reader and Oskar (or each narrator) but these ways of revealing everything create interesting forms of communication that adds to the novel as a whole, as it is a mystery. With all the letters, pictures, the different ways of talking: in person, the phone, the answering machine, radios, writing; and the change in narration, all show Foer's point of how important communication is for finding out information. For example, Oskar wanting to learn about "Black"(41) and how he wants to see people in person because that way he can show them the key and be able to actually "read" the person better than if it were over the phone like when he's visiting Abby Black he says, "I kept thinking there was something else that she wasn't telling me" (97). Also communication form is important when Grandma tells Oskar about her life in a letter as she writes, "I have so much to tell you" and "I want to tell you everything" which seems like that would be something that is too important to tell him through writing rather than in person (75). However her form of communication makes you think about her reason for putting it in writing. It actually does seem wiser to put it in writing for him because then he never will forget it and she can organize it the exact way she wants it to come across to her grandson and he will always be able to read it over again even when she is gone. So her form of communication is very admirable just like every type of communication Foer uses in the novel. Each has its purpose and contributes to Oskar's quest for communication.
I believe Oskar's quest for communication is, like Cristina W W says, to "[show] the importance of communication and of being close knit with those around you", because Oskar was only "close knit" with his father who was taken away from him and I think he longs for this kind of relationship with others. He uses many different forms of communication to become close to others, after all, isn't that what communication is for? So that everyone can be understood by everyone else and to be able to connect and become friends, etc. Oskar takes his friendly gestures to the extreme by using many forms to communicate. Although I do agree with Gabriela D W when she talks about how "Oskar is more on the quest for communication with his dad more than anything else" so I wonder if he actually doesn't want to be friends with anyone else in reality and it leads me to question why Oskar doesn't want to have a close bond with anyone else. This is probably because he just finds it hard at first to deal with his father's death and doesn't want to feel like anyone is taking his dad's place.
Jamie C P makes an excellent point when she says, "when tragedy strikes, America and people in general depend more and more on technology to say things for them." This is very true, however, I have to disagree when she says they depend on these technologies so people cannot understand them because they do not understand themselves. I believe that many people use communication to connect with one another. Yes, face to face communication is and always will be the best and most direct, but with written words alone, such as texts or letters, the audience, the reader can connect to it more than watching someone else's facial expressions. I mean when you think about it aren't letters and writing almost more personal? The writer searches for the perfect words to fill the page and writes his soul and energy and transforms them into words. With writing everything is thought about first then acted upon, opposite of conversational talking. (This also could be why we write essays, rather than making speeches.) The reader then has to pull out the meaning and expression from the words and from within which makes the overall context much more meaningful than just listening. Also since they have to gather the emotion from themselves it really connects the reader to the speaker. Also communication via writing is also more truthful and personal because you have time to recollect your thought and feelings and put them onto paper. A good example of this is the letter Stephen Hawking wrote back to Oskar on pages 304-305. Like Savannah M said before, the letters Oskar wrote to Mr. Hawking touched his heart and led him to think about his life in a different way. In his letter back Mr. Hawking shares his insight with Oskar, but it is really the way the words are written and the experience and insight we all have in ourselves to truly gain anything from the words.
What are you most likely to be more honest, open, and truthful in? A diary or a conversation with a friend? The purity and rawness of words coming together with emotion are best exemplified in Oskar's Grandfather's letters to his son. Throughout the book we only learn the truth behind his silence, his absence, and his thoughts through his writing. The writing is the one thing that connects and relates everyone in the world to him. Which I would say is quite a powerful effect for small words created completely by feelings.
I agree with Corrie S and Lisa F when they say that all Oskar wants to do is communicate with his father. If you think about it, the only time Oskar ever has a real conversation with anyone, it's his dad. They would talk about anything and everything before he tucked Oskar into bed and that would be the only time Oskar would even laugh. He mentions at one point laying down and cracking up, that's the only time that I remember reading a part where he laughed.
Oskar also communicates in weird ways torwards people, he can never keep a normal conversation. When he's talking to Abby Black on page 94 he asks her about elephants, he chooses a topic where he's very educated so he can keep the conversation going. In most conversations, he has to use big words, almost like he's trying to stand out.
In response to Jackie’s kind of question, I think he wants friends and everything i just think he is too preoccupied with his dad. Nobody wants to lose anyone even though it’s what happens in life. I think he is just too busy trying to keep communication with his dad that he just gets lost between it all and doesn’t have time to worry about friends. I’m sure he also doesn’t want anyone to take his dad’s place and he is really protective of that, but I think he’s more preoccupied than anything.
I disagree with Ali c when she says that Oskar never has a “normal” conversation with anyone. I think he brought up the elephants because Abby Black was a complete stranger and it was something that he saw and could start up a conversation with so it wouldn’t be awkward. Just from that conversation alone they could begin to get an understanding of each other. What is a “normal” conversation anyways? I also think that he uses big words to fit in, not stand out. I think he wants people to respect him, because he is young and he is talking to people that are a lot older than him. He’s very smart for his age.
I believe communication is a major theme in this story. Without communication, no one would ever be able to understand anyone and everything would be chaotic. Oskar lacks communication from his mother because he wants to protect her in the beginning of the story. He hides the messages his father left him on the day that he died because he didn’t want his mother to hear them. Little did he know that his father had already talked to his mom. If his mother and him communicated a little more, Oskar might not have felt so guilty for hiding those tapes which might have made him not as depressed. He would have been able to talk it out and understand that there was nothing he could have done.
I totally agree with Sami when she says, " also think that he uses big words to fit in, not stand out." Oskar fills his world with larger words, because the world around him is all adults, and to him, he feels that the only way to fit in is to act older. Oskar tries fitting in in this world, and does so through communication. Even though it is hard for him, he learns to make small talk with strangers like Abby Black. This shows how Oskar grows through communication, can by the end of the book can relate and connect with the people around him.
I disagree greatly with Gabriella when she states, "I think that because Oskar was too caught up talking to strangers, he lost communication with his family." After his father died, well even before that, Oskar had a tough time communicating with his family. Not really his family, but his mother specifically, Oskar connects with his grandmother, but not with his mother, and therefore fills t gap by connecting with the new people he encounters.
There are many forms of communication throughout the book through different people.
One type of communication is the two-way radios that Oskar and his grandma talk to each other with. They are able to have conversations about anything and hide there true emotions behind the radios.They can onlyhear but not see.
Another type of communication is Oskar's "invention" to be able to hear people heartbeats(1). If you could hear other people's heartbeats you could tell if they were nervous, scared, afraid, happy, calm, etc. You could have a good idea of how they felt before you even talked to them. You could calm someone who was scared and give confidence to someone who is nervous and know just by their heartbeat. The down side is that is if you are in a room with a lot of people the sounds of heartbeats would very loud and over powerful.
There are many types of communication throughout the story that mean so many different things and help out the story in a number of ways. Foer does a great job using communication.
This story has lots of examples of communication, but for me some of the strongest parts of the book were where that was no communication.
One example is in the "Nothing Places." In these places there is little communication, but a lot happens. Oskar's grandmother writes her novel in a nothing place and Oskar's grandmotehr and greandfather's relationship was mostly expressed in the nothing places.
Another one is how the renter/ Oskar's grandfather, does not talk. Him not talking really makes you pay attention to the story and wonder why and how it ended up this way. Him not talking made me ask myself the question, What if I did not talk? Personaly i think i would not last long without talking mostly because it is who i am.
The communication in this book was very interesting. At the time of reading this book, I was staying in New York City coincidentally. This had been my first time in The City. I was surprised to see that it was harder to keep a conversation with someone at a local store, or to even smile at a complete stranger expecting a smile back. It took me by surprise because I had lived for five years in the deep south where someone would spend an extra ten minutes at the cash register because of the conversation they were having with the cashier. I was told that this is just the way NYC is; it is fast paced and most people just do their own thing. Where am I going with this and how does it relate to communication in this book? Well, I was just surprised how nine year old Oskar went around the five boroughs of New York by himself, and occasionally with Mr. Black, talking to complete and total strangers.
Oskar is on a quest for communication. I think this communication is almost a supernatural communication he is seeking. His quest is based on this communication with his father. Oskar still wants to be connected to him, and that is why I would call this kind of communication supernatural, if you will (which may be ironic, as he claims he is atheist on page 86, but I see it that way nonetheless). Lisa F says that the only communication Oskar seeks is that of his father. This is true; although he encounters many people, and that may be counted as communication, that communication doesn't matter to Oskar. He wants his dad to last. "As for the bracelet Mom wore to the funeral, what I did was converted Dad's last voice message into Morse code..." (page 35)
Oskar is one of those people where communication is not a problem for him. He will talk to complete and total strangers as long as can find out where his key belongs. Most of his communication is due to the fact that he wants to find out more about his father. Gabriela D says that "Oskar prefers to talk to strangers because he wants to get closer to his father". I partially agree with this statement except that I don't think Oskar prefers to talk to strangers. He feels he has to in order to accomplish what he has started. Oskar only wants to know more about his father and will do practically anything to succeed. Along the way he loses some communication with his mother but that brings him closer to others. Also, Oskar's grandfather does not speak. This makes communication a lot harder for everyone he speaks to. When writing instead of speaking, the reader determines what tone the writer is using. That said, anytime the grandfather "spoke" not many people would be able to tell how he was feeling. Foer uses all kinds of communication to make the story more interesting and much more understandable.
I agree with what Cristen said, that Oscar is on a quest for communication. I wouldn't use the word "supernatural", however I do believe that Oscar is searching for a way to communicate that goes beyond the level of every day communication between common people. The communication He and his father had was deeper than just words, and I believe that oscar feels the only way that he will ever be able to be happy is to find that same level of communication he had with his father.
This search for communication could have started early in oscars life, when his father would give him riddles. When Oscar was looking for clues to one of these games he said to his father, "Can't you even tell me if I'm on the right track? ... if you don't tell me anything, how can I ever be right?" to which his father replied, "Another way of looking at it would be, how could you ever be wrong?" At this point Oscar learns to look for more than just words to find answers.
I agree that Oskar is on a quest for communication. Oskar seems to be able to express himself simply yet nothing like how he used to with his father. Oskar speaks to his grandmother over a two way radio and to his mother only when she needs to know something. I realized Oskar was on a quest for communication when he was meeting people with the last name Black. Oskar has deeper conversations with strangers and those who are not family. I think that the reason for this is because of Oskar's constant search for understanding.
Oskar is found many times in this book doing things most kids his age do not. He thinks and acts differently yet it all seems for a purpose. Because of these characteristics, Oskar is able to search for meaning and better communication.
When Simon K P stated that the reason for Oskar's deep conversations with strangers were because of his search for understanding I could not agree more. I also feel like this is the reason why Oskar does not confide in his family or friends. By seeing how his mother handles the situation and how she "moves on" so quickly, Oskar feels he is the only one who really understands the enormity of his father's death. As it was mentioned earlier Oskar has a far more experienced and mature mind set, therefore making communication with children his age and expecting developed answers and understanding seems like an impossible feat.
Also, to add to what Kelci B W was saying I think I have figured out exactly what type of communication Oskar was looking for from his father. Kelci says, "I do believe that Oskar is searching for a way to communicate that goes beyond the level of every day communication between common people. The communication He and his father had was deeper than just words, and I believe that Oskar feels the only way that he will ever be able to be happy is to find that same level of communication he had with his father." I think the communication he is searching in his father and in the messages he left before he died is love. During the last message the words "I love you very much" (280) were cut off and Oskar is sure they were there but just thinking, "pretending" they were there is not enough. Oskar believes that the key is, well, the key to communicating these last words with his father and confirming that he really did love him and was speaking to him.
Too get a little off topic I would also like to address what Vinny S P said about some of the strongest parts of the novel were where there was no communication.
I think one of the greatest and most powerful roles of communication comes in the form of silence. It is ironic how by not being able to say a single word one can expresses thousands. And I am not just talking about Oskar's grandfather not being able to talk but also how during the messages of Oskar's father it seems all the important or meaningful words did not come through. How the one person Oskar wishes he could talk to is eternally silent. I think the purpose of this method of communication is to show how words can be twisted into lies, false hopes, and excuses, but silence is the real truth. Silence is that of overwhelming emotion and understanding and sadness and pain. Silence explains what words cannot. Silence is absolute truth.
If only Oskar had known that, if only he knew by not saying anything he said everything. But maybe he did. On the night before the worst day his father told Oskar the story of the sixth borough and at the end Oskar expressed his love by saying; "'Dad?''Yeah, buddy?' 'Nothing" (223). By literally saying nothing, Oskar's silence tells his father exactly how immense and pure his love and respect for him is. Another good example of silence is between the two grandparents after the grandfather is about to leave for the second time; "'How could you?' He wouldn't show me his eyes. I hate silence" (310). By avoiding eye contact and staying silent, the Grandfather communicates shame, remorse, and love without saying a word. The Grandmother understands this but is shocked by how different this truth is from last time he left.
I fully agree with what has been said about how oskar has deep conversations with strangers. another thing i noticed about Oskar, is that he never ever has any type of contact with anyone his own age. All of the people he has any communication with are older then him. Maybe he just can't connect with kids his own age because he has such a mature mindset or maybe its a part of his grieving. The one time Oskar talks about someone his own age its very early on in the book and they never actually communicate, he just mentions it was supposed to happen.
To add on to what Cory said, I think don’t think Oskar was trying to avoid not talking to people his own age. I think he was just preoccupied with his search to communicate with his dad, as I have mentioned before. All the people he needed to talk to, to continue his search were older than him. Although Oskar is very intelligent for his age and has the intelligence of people much older than him, I don’t think he was avoiding people his age on purpose. I believe he was just caught up in his search, and the people that were his age were not on his list so they were not a major priority for him.
To go along with Cara T, I also believe that the parts that are silent speak the most. As she stated when Oskar called for his dad and said "never mind"(223), we all knew that he wanted to tell his dad that he loved him. But even with out saying it, his dad knew exactly what was going through Oskar’s mind. I think that the message that was left and how the, “I love you very much” part was cut out hurt Oskar the most. I think he was on his mission because he wanted to hear his dad say it one more time, and never wanted to let him go. Another part of silence that caught my eye was when the grandparents were talking on a page and kept scratching out ok and perfect when it said "Everything will be OK perfect" (178). They both knew they were not happy, and it was the first time the grandmother cried infront of her husband. Most of people's true words or feelings come from silence which is expressed throughout the book.
I don't know if I agree that Oskar is on a quest for communication, because he seems to know how to communicate very well for someone his age. I think that Oskar is using his communication on a quest for understanding.
Oskar communicates very creatively throughout the book, using french from page one, and curing in creative ways on page 5 and throughout the book.
I think that Oskar wants to communicate with his mom about his dad's messages, but doesn't know exactly how. So to make up for it, he makes the bracelets and other jewelry with his dad's messages secretly in them. This is another example of Oskar's creative way to communicate.
He also wants to communicate with his grandma extra, so he gets the walkie talkies that his father used with him.
I would also like to add on to what Simon K P said about how "Oskar has deeper conversations with strangers and those who are not family. I think that the reason for this is because of Oskar's constant search for understanding."
I agree with that, and think that Oskar may not communicate with his mom as much is because he already knows her, and she doesn't have secrets from him that he knows about. So Oskar uses communication to find what he's looking for, and doesn't use it if he doesn't think it will help him find what he wants.
Like Samantha S, I don't believe that Oskar's avoidence of people his own age was intentional. We are all drawn to people who we share common interesting with and can relate too. Oskar, for what ever reason, finds it easier to relate to older people. It may be because of his knowledge of even a different reason entirly, but he just finds it easier to communicate with them and is there fore drawn to older people.
Like Simon K, I think it is really interesting that Oskar opens up more to strangers than to Those closest to him. I think it may be because he is scared of losing someone again. He thinks that telling people he loves certain things may cause them to leave. When he opens up to strangers it doesn't matter what they think or how they react because when it is all over Oskar doesn't care. He is a very smart boy and I think he is very good at finding wasy around his fears.
Oskar needs to tell people his feelings a little more, because he alwats keeps them in. There is an example of this when the doctor is questioning Oskar and he asks "Do you think any good can come of your father's death?(119). Oskar wants to curse at him and punch him in the face, but he restrains. Oskar should have told the doctor how he felt. There is another example of this when one of Oskar's school mates is making fun of Oskar's grandma back stage at the Hamlet play.(143). Oskar pretends, in his mind, that he curses at the kind and makes him look bad in front of the crowd. But again Oskar restrained him feelings. Violence and cursing aren't probably the best way to show your feelings, but Oskar should at least say something because holding, back your feelings is stressful and overall not good. Oskar should tell people how he feels. Even punching someone would be a start.
I disagree, I think that Oskar is not searching for communication. I believe that as he is searching for the answer to the key, searching for communication is also involved. I agree with what Samantha S W when she says, “I don’t think he was avoiding people his age on purpose. I believe he was just caught up in his search, and the people that were his age were not on his list so they were not a major priority for him.” It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to kids his own age, its that it is not on the top of his “things to do list” I agree with what Samantha S W when she says, “I don’t think he was avoiding people his age on purpose. I believe he was just caught up in his search, and the people that were his age were not on his list so they were not a major priority for him”
I also found it interesting that as the book comes to a close oskar opens up more and more. For example when he meets his grandfather for the first time, (but he thinks he is the renter) Oskar talks to him as if there is no problem. He has never met him before, yet he talks to him as if he has known him for a long time. He opens up to people a lot more and is not scarred. Another example is how he is going around to all these peoples houses and asking them questions about a key, yet he doesn’t know anybody and he is not shy to talk to them. As his adventure goes on throughout the book, Oskar grows as a person and develops his communication skills, it may not be a lot but it is the slightest of an improvement.
I disagree with Alex P W when she says, “Oskar needs to tell people his feelings a little more, because he alwats keeps them in,” I know Oskar needs to exert his feeling a little more, but he doesn’t need to be punching anybody. He needs to talk to them like a normal person. This is how he learns how to communicate, not by hurting anybody, by talking and showing his feelings through words.
One last comment is how ironic it is when Oskar meets his grandfather and starts talking to him. It is as if Oskar knew they were related in some way. Although he has never met him and didn’t know who he was, Oskar opened himself and in the end, ended up trusting him enough to go dig up his father’s grave.
Cara T W and Samantha S W both bring up interesting ideas about silence and how it is "one of the greatest and most powerful roles of communication." I believe silence can express so much, and I think it may even be the ultimate form of communication because as soon as you know someone so well, you can understand and communicate perfectly through silence. Just like when Oskar "tells" his father that he loves him by saying "Nothing" it shows how Oskar and his dad have come to the ultimate level of friendship (14); love. And they can communicate through silence. Also, when Oskar's grandma and his grandfather are able to form a relationship even when his grandfather cannot speak, they both are able to find a kind of love and do wonderful things like writing their life novels together through the silence that they share. I think Foer is making a great point about human interactions with the many forms of communication, especially silence. He is showing the amazing capabilities of man to communicate in infinite ways and be able to connect with another and almost become one being. Through searching for the key, it is as if Oskar is still remarkably communicating with his father who is dead. It is just like the game he played with his dad in Central Park.
Going off of what Maegan B W said, about how Oskar finds it easier to relate to older people than to kids hiw own age; when I noticed that throughout the book, I took into consideration the fact that a good percent of the time he's around kids throughout the novel he is teased. Teased not necessarily in the na-na sense, even though there is some of that, but also in the "I know your uncomfortable and I'm going to make it worse" sense. One example is when Jimmy Snyder and his friends are talking to Oskar on the playground. It start with innocent(sort of) humor, and quickly turns to mean, " Jimmy Snyder pushed my shoulder and said "say your moms a whore" -(Oskar refuses) "prepare to die" I looked around for a teacher but I didn't see any. "My moms a whore" I said. Then I went inside-(192). Scenarios even remotely like these would play a huge role in choosing the age group you hang out with, as would just his ability to fit in.
Oskar mentions how he is not allowed to watch TV unless approved by his parents, and this is obvious in some of the things that he has never heard of that are a given to the TV world. "I'm not allowed to watch TV, although Im allowed to watch documentaries that are approved for me and I can read anything I want. Already there is a huge gap in the pop culture references he probably hears about at school. That alone would isolate him, simply because he is on a different level with his knowledge, Oskars being more educational. These are small things but I think they play a bug part in why Oskar only communicates with people he thinks might understand him more, in why his commenication differs from other kids his age, or really anyone.
While reading the previous blogs, I noticed the argument going on about whether Oskar is “on a quest for communication.” In my opinion, Oskar’s communication with others throughout the novel is very strong, whether between his grandmother, or just another “Black” that he is searching for information. It seems, obviously, that Oskar is much smarter than the average 9-year-old kid. Why is this? I agree very strongly with Laura W when she brings up the fact that pop-culture is missing, if not non-existent, in this book. This could certainly explain his communication between others, as he talks like an adult, and not a typical child of his age. This absence of television is also a very good reason for Oskar not quite fitting into the kids at his school. The generation of Oskar’s friends is very dependent on technology and the things they see on T.V. Oskar doesn’t watch it, so he is made fun of for it, and for that reason Oskar seems to try and fit in by doing anything to seem like his “friends” at school.
Building on Gina H's comment saying communication is a constant struggle for everyone in the novel, I agree but think communication is the one and only constant struggle in the novel. Many of the minor issues in the story, such as, Oskar and his mother's lack of understanding is all caused on thier problems of communicating. Oskar's grandmother and grandfather also struggle with this idea, the grandfather even completely gave up on the subject.
Oskar's main quest is to find the key and it's purpose but i think the hidden meaning of his quest is to use it to keep a lasting kind of communication with his father. By searching for the key's secret meaning, Oskar is finding different things out about him and his father, and even ends up finding his own grandfather.
Foer uses the novel to point out the points and issues of human interactions. He shows that the interactions between a human and other humans can change the way that certain human lives. Oskar's grandmother is a perfect example of this. Before she had met his grandfather she was lonely and depressed and after the two got married she was more positive and energetic about life. Foer also shows how human interactions can be so deep that they can change a person if ever broken. Oskar and his father's bond is a perfect example of this, with out his father Oskar is an entirely different person.
Building on Gina H's comment saying communication is a constant struggle for everyone in the novel, I agree but think communication is the one and only constant struggle in the novel. Many of the minor issues in the story, such as, Oskar and his mother's lack of understanding is all caused on thier problems of communicating. Oskar's grandmother and grandfather also struggle with this idea, the grandfather even completely gave up on the subject.
Oskar's main quest is to find the key and it's purpose but i think the hidden meaning of his quest is to use it to keep a lasting kind of communication with his father. By searching for the key's secret meaning, Oskar is finding different things out about him and his father, and even ends up finding his own grandfather.
Foer uses the novel to point out the points and issues of human interactions. He shows that the interactions between a human and other humans can change the way that certain human lives. Oskar's grandmother is a perfect example of this. Before she had met his grandfather she was lonely and depressed and after the two got married she was more positive and energetic about life. Foer also shows how human interactions can be so deep that they can change a person if ever broken. Oskar and his father's bond is a perfect example of this, with out his father Oskar is an entirely different person.
Oskar is on a quest for communication so he can find what the key in his father's closet is really for. I think for Oskar's quest to be more fruitful, he needs to communicate his emotions in a healthy way. I agree with Alex P when she says that Oskar holds his emotions in, and I also agree with Demitra A when she says that he should let his emotions be communicated in a healthy way. There is a lot of communication going on in this book, and a lot of it is non-verbal.
Human interaction is a big form of communication in this book. When we see Oskar's grandmother and his grandfather it shows that so much can be said without even using one word. I think that Foer is trying to say that if you just listen, you'll learn a lot about other people. When Oskar goes on his hunt with the key, he spends a lot of time listening, and he adds so many things to his notebook.
One of the main reasons Oskar is on a quest for communication is to determine where this key belongs. However, talking to people about his father brings him closer, even if he never will find him.
Candace W brings up a good point that a lot of the communication Oskar uses in the book is non-verbal. Foer does teach a good lesson that you can learn a lot more if you just stop and listen. Oskar learns to do this and it gets him much farther to the truth and closer to the end of his quest.
I completely agree with Brittany W when she said that some of Oskar's reasoning for his quest is to find the key and its purpose. The big reason that is not said but inferred is that Oskar doesn't want to lose all communication from his father. This is another form of Oskar not letting go and not accepting the fact that his father is dead and not coming back.
Oskar does use communication with other people to help him understand his father and the death. He tries to communicate with his father in any way possible but can't figure out the perfect way. His grandmother is a huge help to him on his quest. Oskar's grandma was exactly like him before she met his grandfather. It was like night and day. She had more energy and life to her. She and Oskar are a lot alike which is why i think she is able to help him through his quest to find the key and the purpose of it. Without his grandmother, Oskar would be lost.
In the past pages I have read, Oskar seems to have lost his personality in his communication. Everything Oskar did had some sort of personal twist or humor just like him, in it. Now I feel as though Oskar has become dull. Oskar's spectacular and random communication skills only go as far as the journey. Once his conclusion came about, he may have been a different young man, but his personality was faded. Oskar's new ways of communication lead me to think about Christopher from The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night. As Christopher progressed in solving the murder of the dog, his personality really did not change much, but since Oskar's personality has control over his communication, his speaking and delivering skills did not deepen but were hidden. I believe his communication level was in fact unique, but only temporary. Oskar changed into a more accepting less judgemental person, I just don't know if I feel that his communication matched his new self.
Even though Oskar has a weird way of communicating to people in the book I also think that he talks like that just because he likes to communicate with everyone and that's the only way he feels he can do so.
Not only does he go and visit all of the Black members free and easily but he talks to Stand the doorman, Larry the guy on the streets infront of the Museum Of Natural History, the cab driver who takes him to one of the Blacks and especially the limo driver.
Gerald Thompson, the limo driver, finds Oskar semi annoying but enjoys the random things he says. Oskar brings up random conversation to make the awkward drive easier for everyone.
Oskar also writes to a bunch of famous people throughout the book. He's written to one of the Beatles members, Stephen Hawkin, and he wants to write to "Kofi Annan, Siegfried, Roy, Jacques Chirac, E.O. Wilson, Weird Al Yankovic..."ect. Oskar just likes to express his thoughts and to be open with people that he has interest in. He's a very sociable person/
I agree with Ali A P when she says, "Oskar is a very sociable person." He talks to everyone whether he knows them personally or not. He can have conversations with anyone he meets and it does not seem like they just met. However, Oskar does speak his mind. This is shown when Oskar asks abby black, " Could we kiss for a little bit" (99). he says what he wants to no matter the circumstance. This is how he communicates with people, and he does not take into consideration whether he knows them or not.
Although Oskar speaks his mind, he does not always speak his whole mind. Oskar shows he has feelings he is not showing when he says, "I'm gonna bury my feelings deep inside me" (203). Oskar seems to tell people everything except problems with his father. He even refuses to tell his psychiatrist his feelings about his father's death. Oskar's communication with others is that of a normal nine year old boy, even more outgoing. However, when it comes to his father's death, he does not communicate at all and keeps it bottled up inside him.
According to the Center for Effective Parenting, "Relationships between parents and their children are greatly improved when there is effective communication taking place." Oskar and his mother rarely communicate with what is happening in their lives. Oskar hides the phone messages from his mother and his mother refuses to talk into detail about her and Ron. When his mother rarely communicates her feelings about the death of her husband, Oskar has a hard time communicating his feelings about it as well. He wants to share his feelings with someone, but he just can't find the right person. This is shown when Oskar says, "When mom tucked me in that night, she could tell that something was on my mind, and asked if I wanted to talk. I did, but not to her" (168). Oskar wishes to communicate with someone, but not his mother. He needs to find the right person and let his emotions out.
Oskar Schell, as we all know, has a brilliant mind for a nine year old. His way of communication is much different than that of any other nine year olds. Luke A said that "when it comes to his father's death, he does not communicate at all" which i agree with fully. Oskar doesn't mind at all talking to complete strangers and getting to know them. He is very open. Then, when he asked to talk about his father's death he won't talk about it. He is a very complex child. Oskar is shy around some and then "open with people that he has interest in", as Ali C stated. This statement I disagree with because Oskar will talk to anyone to find out about his father whether he has interest in them or not. When he talks to the psychiatrist about his father he won't budge because he doesn't want to talk about the bad things. He only wants to talk about the good and get to know his father better. I think that if the psychiatrist was willing to tell him about what the key was for Oskar would be very open to talking to them. "Oskar seems to have lost his personality in his communication", says Emily K. I agree with this statement because whenever Oskar talks he uses big words. This could be due to the fact that he is in an adult world and feels like that is how he is going to fit in.
I agree completely with what Maggie said. Oscars small talk is his way of avoiding pain in life. For example when Oscar was in the limmo on his way to his fathers funeral, he went up and chated with the driver. even though there wasn't a point where he refused to talk about his father, this struck me as odd. He wasn't showing any signs of mourning his father, though we know it is there.
Like Jackie C said, there seems to be a lot of debate over the "quest" that Oskar is on. In my opinion, his ultimate quest is to find himself. Communication is just a piece of that. Like others have said, Oskar sometimes uses means of communication to avoid pain in his life. In finding himself, he is learning how to open up and avoid the meaningless small talk. He definetely proves to be a dynamic character which could possibly mean that his quest was a success. In the beginning, Oskar doesn't really like to interact with other people around him like on the way to his father's funeral when he just gives his mother and grandmother "yes" " and no" and then avoids talking to them completely by talking to the driver. By the end, Oskar seems to be more willing to talk to people and open up without being scared.
Megan B points out how much Oskar changes throughout the book, I agree with this, although I disagree with what she said about how the 'quest' Oskar went on helped him find himself and that thats the reason for the quest. Yes, he may open up during his journey to find the key but I don't think this is the only reason he went on it. Oskar didn't want to loose contact with his father just because he was dead. By communicating with all the black's Oskar becomes much more open and mature. This also helps him get over his father's death and forgive his mom for being with Ron so much.
Kelci B wrote, “Oscar’s small talk is his way of avoiding pain in life.” Maybe we all agree but I can’t help but wonder if Oskar feels any pain at all. He seems so unemotional and unconcerned about everything except his mission to find the answer to the key. When he feels uncomfortable about something he says things like ‘Anyway’ or he will flat out say ‘This makes me feel uncomfortable.’ I disagree with Maggie A when she says that Oskar doesn’t talk to his psychiatrist because “He only wants to talk about the good and get to know his father better.” I think he won’t talk to his therapist simply because he doesn’t respect him. He is forced to go to therapy every week and it seems like the more he goes the more he shuts the therapist out. Oskar feels like he has better things to do than sit in a room with a shrink and play useless games.
Kelci B also said, “He wasn't showing any signs of mourning his father, though we know it is there.” Of course if one loses a parent or loved one, they will mourn, but in their own way. I think that on the way to the funeral, Oskar was in shock. Imagine having your father there one day and gone the next. I don’t think it would hit me that he was really gone for a while, it could take months for me to accept it. Everyone deals with death differently. Some of us may only focus on the good that our loved one did, some may fall in to a depression, while others may ignore the pain and just go on living. We can’t criticize one another until we actually go through it ourselves.
I see where Kelci is coming from though when she said that it struck her as odd that Oskar chatted with the limo driver on the way to the funeral. But you have to understand he is a curious and friendly boy [for the most part] and I doubt the funeral was even really on his mind at the time, he couldn’t stop inventing during the car ride. I don’t think we can be surprised by anything Oskar does, since he has such an unusual way of thinking.
Bri mentions that Oskar seems “unemotional and unconcerned about everything except the mission” which I can see, until you start looking into the situation more. The only reason why Oskar is on a mission is because he wants to stay connected to his dad. Obviously he’s emotional because he wouldn’t be taking all of his time to look for what “Black” meant. Another way to look at his situation is he’s devoting his time so that he doesn’t have to sit at home and be completely depressed. As I have said, everyone takes depression in different ways, and deals with pain differently.
I also think Oskar does not want to talk to a psychiatrist, because he is scared that he won’t be understood right, and he wants to deal with his father’s death in his own way. I think it might also be part of his image; he might not want other people to think that he’s sad. He wants to be strong and handle everything on his own. Oskar covers his depression many times by acting like nothings wrong, like when he jokes with the limo driver when he is going to the funeral. He doesn’t want anyone to know that he is hurting inside, he wants to be strong.
Samantha S brings up a good point about why Oskar doesn't want to talk to a psychiatrist. He is very independent and wants to deal with the death on his own. Oskar is afraid that the psychiatrist will misunderstand him like other people have. He feels fine as is and doesnt think there is need for help. He feels like his dad was strong through everything and he should be too. Oskar doesn't want to dissapoint anyone, especially his dad. He wants to show that he can handle anything by himself, to prove to himself and his dad that he can do it.
It's kind of difficult to explain Oskar's ways of communicating, but like Bri S. said, "we can('t) be surprised by anything Oskar does, since he has such an unusual way of thinking". Oskar thinks about things in such an abnormal fashion, like how whenever he gets depressed he's in "heavy boots" and feels like giving himself a big bruise. Oskar keeps a lot of things to himself, as well, but he is also very outspoken. While talking with the limo driver on the way to the funeral, he tries to either ignore the fact that he's going to a funeral, or have a little fun with the driver, or both. He does try to keep the pain out of his life as much as he can, so he tries to humor people with his speculations about things such as long limos, as he does with the driver.
He also does a lot of communicating through his vast assortment of questions. He constantly asks his mother about Ron, not because he wants to know if she's interested in him, but because he wants to know if she still misses his father. Since he can't get a straight answer from her, he pretty much assumes the worst and withdraws from his mother. Anytime communication doesn't turn up with the things Oskar wants to hear, he puts himself in heavy boots and withdraws.
I disagree that oskar is unemotional and unconcerned, his emotions are shown through his quest, his long journey to find closure with his father. Oskar says, "I found it and it had nothing to do with dad? I found it and now I'll wear heavy boots for the rest of my life."(302) Throughout the whole book he talks about having "heavy boots." I feel like that is his way of showing emotion because he wants to seem strong but at the same time he isn't. Oskar also told the renter that, "I miss my dad more now than when i started, even though the whole point was to stop missing him. I told him, it's starting to hurt too much."(255) This was the first time that i have really heard him express his feelings about the situation. A person who loses someone so close can only be strong for so long. So it was not that he was unemotional and unconcerned, it was more him trying to show that he was strong by not communicating his feelings in an original way.
When Oskar and the renter went back to his fathers coffin, the renter put two suitcases of letters that he had wrote to his son in the coffin.(322) I feel like doing this brought closure with the grandfather and the dad also. This was the renters way or grandfathers way of communicating with Oskars dad one last time. Doing this helped the grandfather tell his son that he wanted to be in his life, and leaving all the letters lifted guilt off his shoulders.
I was particularly interested in the way that Oskar expressed his curiosity through so many questions. He truly felt as though he was in the right to be asking just about anything of anyone, regardless of their stance or background. For Oskar, it is not necessary to remain bound into "traditional" communication, it is simply necessary to establish a mock protocol around their relationship, in order to fulfill the age old "don't talk to strangers" rule. Oskar begins to play around the rules in such a way that inspires me to believe that there is hope for a normal existence for him yet. Despite his remaining handicaps, he really does start to become a normal person (if there is such a thing.)
I think the "Yes, No" grandfather is the best character in the entire book. He uses his notebook to communicate, but most of the time he either shows people one of his hands or he just smiles or shrugs. I think this is very interesting because his answers are usually yes or no. There is no gray area. His facial expressions and gestures are intrpretted differently by everyone. There is one scene when he is with the grandmother and he smiles just once and it answers a ton of the grandmothers questions without an explanation. This is incredible because everyone else has to explain themselves and make up excuses for things.
I also think it is interesting that the grandfather's most commonly used sentence in his writing is "i'm sorry". I wonder whether it is because he is to lazy to write something that makes more sense, or maybe he is actually sorry.
One thing I find so excellent about this book is the incredible ammount of thought necessary to make everything come to life. Like with anything, books, text messaging, e-mails, you name it, it takes the perfect wording and spacing to convey exactly what you mean. The sarcasm, truth, and emotion have to be hidden and placed perfectly to have the desired affect. I mention this because of the Grandfather and his amazing ability to convey ideas in person. The phone is a different matter, but i find it so sad that he doesn't realize how much he has lived. He's hurt, and been hurt, and cried and laughed and spoken and sung and touched but he just doesn't quite get it.
Alex P brings up some interesting points about the grandpa. In the novel he both shows what occurs when communication breaks down and what occurs when communication is a pure as possible. The grandpa exemplifys the worst possible predicament one may find themselves in after losing a loved one. Upon losing Anna he becomes unable to speak and love. He finds the memory of Anna excruciatingly painful and cannot bear to lose anyone else. He may have lost the ability to talk but he begins communication again with the journal of blank pages. After reading the interview with Foer it seems as though Foer considers writing, especially that of letters and Diaries, as one of the purest forms of art. He describes, "A book is an intimate object whether you are conscious of it when you are writing it or not". Through the book the Grandpa is constantly able to write down his true feelings, almost like a diary. By letting the Grandpa tell his story through his letters and blank books Foer attempts to capture all the unadulterated feelings of this poor individual who has lost everything in the Dredsen bombing.
I thought it was very interesting when alex p w says, "I think this is very interesting because his answers are usually yes or no. There is no gray area." This statement is correct when he simply answers with his hands yes or no. However, the grandfather does leave a gray area often times when he answers with shrugs and smiles. The chapters written by the grandfather are the most confusing to me. He has only a handful of phrases that he writes and they are not always appropriate for answering the question asked. Such as when he ends his chapter with the word, "help" (34). His communication is so incomplete and confusing that it is obvious he has some sort of problem in his life.
I believe that Foer is using the grandfather to make a point about communication after a tragedy. The grandfather has his wife to talk to and communicate with. She is the only person who understands him. Their conversations consist of one sentence each sometimes and yet Oskar's grandmother can still say, "I understood him" (185). I believe that Foer is trying to say that after a tragedy everyone communicates and reacts in a different way and there is always that one peson who will understand you. The grandfather has his sife, and Oskar's mother communicates well with Ron. Oskar seems to be looking for the right person to let his feelings out and talk to comfortably about his father. Everyone needs that one person to talk to in order to get over tragedies.
According to lee Hopkins from the international Association of
Bussiness Communicators, "Among the earliest forms of communication for any human being is touch, and it continues to be very important throughout our early years." The grandfather also uses touch as a major form of communication. Early in the novel the grandfather is describing an incident with Anna and says, "she touched my ears, which meant their voices would keep us safe" (127). He knew what she was saying just by a simple touch on the ear. It seems that the grandfather remembers this type of communication before the bombing and resorts to it after such a tragedy occured. He is communicating through ways he used in the past because that was when he was happy.
i like what jeff said about the grandpa being in the worst spot by losing the ability to speak and love. I think he still loves, but only Anna. The way he communicates to the world is what makes me like him the most. Writing evrything he has to say makes everything passionate and interesting. The conversation they have at the airport was just using already written statements which were the exact words to say what they needed, like what Kate said. It's simple and to the point.
I think that even though the grandparents understand eachother very well, there's still sometimes when they don't know what the other is thinking. When Grandma writes her story and the pages are blank, he doesn't know anything about her only that she cant open up to him. When he tries to communicate with her by touching her shoulder or looking at her in a certain way, he still wonders if she understands what he's saying. That's kind of the break of communication in their relationship.
I don't know if anyone has realized this but I am going to bring up another form of communication through the phone. It is a way for Oskar to "communicate" with his father. It's the only way left for Oskar to feel that his father is still there with him. This portal between life and death is such a fantastic asset that I completely understand why Oskar keeps it hidden from his mother. That is sad for her but Oskar sees it as a special bond between him and his father.
On page 301 Oskar mentions that "[he] couldn't pick up the phone...[he] wanted to pick it up, but [he] couldn't." I do realize that he probably didn't pick it up because he was frozen and scared but another part of me disagrees. I think that somewhere in his mind Oskar knew his father had no chance of surviving after hearing his other messages. So because of this Oskar had to choose between talking to his father while he died for one last time in his life or, he could have his father's voice forever and the memory of the last time they talked to be a happy one.
I find the idea of the phone that Rachel D brought up rather interesting. It is kind of Oskar's one last way to remember his father through a key sense, his hearing. Rachel says that " It's the only way left for Oskar to feel that his father is still there with him". In a way this is true; Oskar has very few relics that we know of to remember his father by, and the phone is by far the most important. It is also the only relic that Oskar can fully utilize to see what his dad is trying to say to him through the "portal between life and death" as Rachel mentioned.
This unanswered communication becomes so important to Oskar in trying to find out how to live his life without his father to be a part of it anymore. Oskar may have had a difficult time coping with the idea that his father was gone, but that didn't stop him from trying to make sure that his father was never completely erased from his life. I think this would be a good reason why he kept the phone to himself, never showing his mother: because his mother went on living, even going out to parties and social gatherings with her 'friend' Ron. Oskar thought she didn't miss his dad at all and therefore reasoned that there was no way she should ever need to or be able to know about the phone.
Many great points about communication have come up since I last blogged for this topic and I would love to elaborate on some of them.
Emily K W brings up how "Oskar seems to have lost his personality in his communication" and how "his speaking and delivering skills did not deepen but were hidden" when he lost his dad. I also agree that it was very evident that Oskar lost his personality in his communication ever since the loss of his father. Oskar seems almost emotionless without his father because everything he says or does comes across as very monotonous and disconnected. He starts lying and he "never used to lie . . . before everything happened." Oskar lost his personality and himself. At first when reading this book I thought that Oskar was just this way—never showing much emotion, never really getting excited about anything. But then the scene when Oskar asks his father for a solution to how relatively insignificant life is, Oskar ends up jumping on the bed with excitement because his dad helped him realize that he "changed the course of human history!" (86). He and his father "cracked up together" and this seems to be one of the only times when Oskar actually seemed extremely happy. This part opened me up to a whole other side of Oskar that is no longer there in the present time of Oskar's life without his dad. The loss caused him to hide his happy and good side and now communication between him and anyone else is vague and depressing because Oskar's personality died with his dad. It is just waiting to be unlocked again by the key Oskar holds dear to his heart.
Oskar's way of healing from his dad's death is just to hide his personality and sadness. Samantha S W also noticed this as she said, "Oskar covers his depression many times by acting like nothings wrong . . . He doesn’t want anyone to know that he is hurting inside, he wants to be strong." I think that's his reason for communicating with others in a more emotionless way, because he doesn't want everyone's sympathy. When he goes to visit Aaron Black he says "I wanted him to feel more sorry for me" but it is "so that he would help [Oskar]" (90). Oskar just tells him, "My dad's dead" and it seems like a harsh way to talk about the person he cared for the most, but he just wants to find out about the key to find his dad so he'll do whatever it takes, but he doesn't really want sympathy. Oskar really hides all of his emotion. Even when he's talking on the two-way radio with his Grandma and they are talking about how much they miss hi Dad, Oskar says that "I couldn't explain to her that I missed him more, more than she or anyone else missed him" (71). We see that Oskar hides all of his personality and depression from the loss of his dad; it is his way of coping with the strain—to cover it up.
When Luke A W says that "Oskar seems to be looking for the right person to let his feelings out and talk to comfortably about his father. Everyone needs that one person to talk to in order to get over tragedies." His statement really seemed to make sense. As soon as Oskar can learn to communicate his feelings with someone he will be able to come closer to healing from losing his dad.
Rachel D F and Curt(is) W F also make good points when they talk about how Oskar's way of holding on to his father is through the phone and the messages. Rachel says "It's the only way left for Oskar to feel that his father is still there with him" and I think this is definitely the reason that Oskar has trouble letting go and when he finally communicates to the renter about it, it starts Oskar’s journey of recovery from his dad's death. Oskar even admits that "That secret (the phone) was a hole in the middle of me that every happy thing fell into" (71) and once he releases his secret his heavy boots are gone.
I slightly disagree with Jackie S when she says that "as soon as Oskar can learn to communicate his feelings with someone he will be able to come closer to healing from losing his dad." I believe that while Oskar still keeps the phone messages and hides them for himself he truly can't let go and heal. He holds on to the last aspect of his father on earth which, in a way, proves that Oskar hasn't really lost his father. Oskar is not old enough to understand that the healing process can not begin when what has been lost is still there.
I can see where Jackie is coming from and I also agree with that Oskar needs someone to talk to in order to heal, although his is not quite so sure when he announces "I don't want to be hospitalized" (323). He isn't old enough to deal with this on his own which is what he tries to do through his city escapades. Throughout the entire book Oskar does not know how to talk to his grandma or his mother. It seems that the people that he actually has conversations with are the various Blacks whom he has never met before. This way of communicating with strangers 1) isn't smart and 2) deprives him of someone who understands what he is going through. Only through someone else helping him can Oskar truly be able to heal.
I feel that Oskar is not only looking for the lock the key belongs to, but also someone to be friends with and to communicate with. I agree with Rachel D F when she says, "This way of communicating with strangers 1) isn't smart and 2) deprives him of someone who understands what he is going through. Only through someone else helping him can Oskar truly be able to heal." Oskar does not believe that his mother or grandmother can help him with his problems. They understand what he is going through the most, but Oskar does not realize this. That is why I feel that Oskar is looking for a friend to share his problems with. Oskar shows his need of a friend when he says, "And then, all of a sudden, I thought of something. Something enormous, Something wonderful" (164). Oskar continues on to ask Mr. Black to help him in his search for the missing lock. The key seems to unlock Oskar's feelings of his father. When Oskar has the key, he is comfortable and he tells strangers about his fathers death. It seems that the key helps Oskar communicate to others about his father.
I also believe that Oskar gives signs to those around him that he needs help. According to Healthyplace.com Depression Center, "At first it may seem helpful to separate yourself from the pain, but you cannot avoid grieving forever. Someday those feelings will need to be resolved or they may cause physical or emotional illness." Oskar often times gives himself briuses and it seems that it is because he is keeping his emotions inside him. He told his psychiatrist, "If I have to bleed, Ill bruise" (203). I feel that by giving himself bruises, Oskar is communicating to those around him that he needs help. He is showing that he wants to let out his feeling and emotions, but he can't find a way. Some people such as his mother pick up on this and ask to talk to him, but he refuses. I feel that if the right person came up and asked to talk to Oskar, he would be willing to share his thoughts.
Throughout the novel, communication is seen all over. It is used verbally, and non-verbally through touch and emotion. Every character in the novel seems to have their own form of communication. The grandfather uses his hands, writing, and body language. Oskar communicates through hiding his feelings and problems. In every circumstance, each characters form of communication can be interpreted differently.
I would like to respond to Luke A and his post. I agree that Oskar is looking for a friend and that talking to people who have been through the same thing would probably help most but then again, talking to someone knew normally helps the most because they're not pointing out the same things that everyone else. In most cases, you feel that you can talk to strangers easier because you don't feel like your being judged so much.
I disagree with your next thought on bruising though. People who bruise or cut don't normally do it to get attention, they do it to feel something. I don't know about you but people I know who have been in that case hide what they're doing for a very long time before opening up about it. I think that in the end Oskar wants to talk and needs help with it but the last person he wants to talk to about it is his mom, who has been dealing with grief by being with a new guy and smiling all the time.
Oskar to me communicates in other ways, like his traveling around the city and saying smart off topic things. If you listen and pay attention enough, his off topic statements connect to every picture and every topic having to do with his dad. As for the bruising, I think that's a more self involved action.
Rachel and Jackie have an interesting conversation going. Jackie says that "as soon as Oskar can learn to communicate his feelings with someone he will be able to come closer to healing from losing his dad." I find this ironic because throughout the story Oskar tries to hide his feelings except for when they become unbearable. The quest for the lock is a secret that Oskar tries to keep from his Mom, a secret between his dad and himself. Oskar thinks that by keeping the quest, the messages, and his feelings secret he his not only protecting others but staying close to his dad. When Oskar finds out that his mom has known the entire time Everything that he has been trying to keep secret seems ruined. His anguish was apparent when he explains," My search was a play that Mom had written, and she knew the ending when I was at the beginning."292. His search had instantly been transformed from an intimate adventure, to a silly play. This event may have flipped Oskar's entire world upside down, but in reality becomes the beginning of getting over his loss. After all the rage and sadness that he feels when the key turns out to have nothing to do with his dad he finally opens up to his Mom. Pages 323 to 325 show this experience:
"I started crying
She opened her arms and said, "What is it?"
I ran to her and said "I don't want to be hospitalized."...
"You're not going to be hospitalized."
I told her, "I promise I'll be better soon"
She said "There's nothing wrong with you."
"I'll be Happy and normal."
She put her fingers around the back of my neck.
I told her, "I tried incredibly hard. I don't know how I could have tried harder."
She said, "Dad would have been very proud of you".
Oskar goes on to confess the message he could not pick up, however much to Oskar's suprise his Mom confesses that she did pick up his call. Through listening to what his dad wanted to tell him and his Mom, a shadow is finally lifted from over Oskars head. Oskar finally forgives his Mom and understands how he can move on with his life.
"I told her, "It's OK if you fall in love again" (324).
Jeff mentioned a very interesting point that I would like to add on to. Jeff says that "Oskar thinks that by keeping the quest, the messages, and his feeling secret he is not only protecting others but staying close to his dad." When I first read this I immediately thought that this point is so mature for a 9 year old boy. No wonder he cant talk to anyone. Since his father died, Oskar must have felt if not self-consciously that he needed to step into a "man-of-the-house" role, which is not necessary for a little boy. Maybe this is why Oskar's mom played along to his endeavors; to allow him to stay a little boy a bit longer.
I kind of went astray from communication. Because Oskar's mom keeps to herself without communicating with Oskar about his journey and the key, she allows him to do what children should do in the face of tragedy, try to cope. Unfortunately, Oskar's lack of communication leaves him alone to carry a large burden too big for a little boy.
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